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Archive: Mary Worth

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These delicious muffins will break down her poor victim’s resistance

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Dick Tracy, 11/24/21

It really tickles me to think that the various deformed criminals of Dick Tracy have their own fairly normal lives, from which they are occasionally called away in order to do bizarre crimes. Poor Mumbles was a date! He was having a great time with a nice girl! Now he’s gotta follow up on something some other guy screwed up? It’s not right! He doesn’t even get a gimp mask to conceal his identity!

Mary Worth, 11/24/21

Oh, man, Mary’s heavy-lidded expression in panel two as she contemplates who she can foist Wilbur onto is truly chilling. “Hmm, who do I know who completely hates themselves, who just has literally zero self-esteem, who’ll look at Wilbur and say ‘Yes! This is what I want. This is what deserve.’”

Shoe, 11/24/21

“Ha ha, get it? But seriously, Cate Blanchette murdered Elijah Wood, it’s real messed up actually.”

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“Thank goodness we don’t have to give her more amnesia!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/23/21

I think it’s completely legit to say, “Hmm, when this strip’s child character sold a book for a lot of money to a museum somehow and then she and her baby sitter ended up as members of a brutal mob clan as a result, that was kind of weird; I want to do a book story but have it be more realistic.” I really don’t think you should keep drawing attention to the fact that you’re doing it, though? There is, I think, an extremely limited group of people who are thinking “Hmm, this is the second version of a book story they’ve done in this soap opera comic strip and it’s different from the one they did in 2014,” and I’m pretty sure all of them read this blog and are not looking to be told how to feel about it by a character in the strip. (They’re looking to be told how to feel about it by me, Josh Fruhlinger, the tastemaker of the funny pages! They should feel weird about it, in my opinion, in case that hasn’t been clear so far.)

Funky Winkerbean, 11/23/21

Sometimes I don’t remember characters or plotlines from long-running continuity strips, and while this might mean I’m not as good at my job (“job”) as I should be, it probably also makes me a healthier, more normal person who can preserve precious brainspace for other things, or so I keep telling myself. Anyway, I honestly have no real recollection of the Dinkles having a daughter named Halle, but I don’t think Harry does either, since his wife has to tell him what her name is and why she won’t be there for Thanksgiving. Of course, since “settlement school” refers to charitable institutions founded in Appalachia in the late 19th and early 20th centuries before public schools became available there, so I’m not sure what Harry’s wife is talking about with this “Italy” business. Maybe there’s no such thing as Halle! Maybe this is just two sad people with dementia talking to nonsense to each other! It would explain a lot, in Funky Winkerbean!

Mary Worth, 11/23/21

Oh my goodness, what kind of pet is Wilbur, in the depths of his self-pity, going to decide he deserves? A bird? A snake? A rock?

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Sam should be thrilled that he can finally just throw money at this problem

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Judge Parker, 11/20/21

So, see, the mayor has been launching a vendetta against Abbey, falsely accusing her of burning down her own B&B in both the court of public opinion and also the actual court system. But his deputy mayor has evidence (which the mayor doesn’t know about) that Abbey actually burned down her own B&B, and he’s going to blackmail Sam over it. Got it? Make sense to you? Me neither, but I’m willing to just move along to the “Sam physically assaults and yells at people” stage of proceedings.

Mary Worth, 11/20/21

Hey, remember how Mary was Libby’s original owner, but she had to pawn her off on Estelle because it turned out Dr. Jeff was allergic to cats? I feel like the fact that Estelle is a person who’s acquired a collection of other people’s unwanted pets is a pretty good fit that with the fact that she’s on the verge of becoming a person who, on multiple occasions, has taken Wilbur back as a romantic partner after he’s made an ass of himself in public. The only thing that can save her from this fate now is Mary smugly informing her that only one pet per apartment is allowed under Charterstone rules, leading to her being evicted and blessedly forced to leave town.

Hi and Lois, 11/20/21

Hey, Hi, you ever consider not being a huge fucking downer all the time? Just a thought!