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Gil Thorp, 5/6/24

Milford has its own Native American reservation and, we learn today, its own institution of higher learning. Soon, having accrued all the necessary components of a robust civic life, this high-school sports crazed town simply won’t need the rest of the United States. That’s when Phase 2 begins.

Hagar the Horrible, 5/6/24

“Let me explain! The castle’s main sewer drains into the moat. You probably already have cholera!”

Mary Worth, 5/6/24

Wow, it looks like Meagan didn’t just smooch that waiter to help purge all Wilbur-related thoughts from her mind; she actually wants to see if he’d be a good fit for a long-term relationship! I certainly hope that she, like everyone Wilbur has been even obliquely romantically involved with, invites him to her wedding to really rub his face in it.

Hi and Lois, 5/6/24

That’s … that’s what everybody likes about working form home, Hi. That’s one of the main reasons why people like to work from home!

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Hi and Lois, 5/5/24

I guess the point of this strip (to the extent that any given Hi and Lois comic can be said to have a “point”) is to shore up the Walker-Browne brand and remind American that the Camp Swampy gang and the Flagstons’ suburban hellscape coexist in a single universe of shared IP. Personally, I’m more intrigued by the comic book time effects: when the strip launched in 1954, Lois presumably had a birth date that would’ve put her roughly in the same demographic as her grandmother in the middle second row panel here. But what really makes this for me is Ditto looking cruelly at the cookie jar and whispering that delightfully batshit sentence at it, simultaneously erotic and threatening, the sort of thing that, if your parents overheard you saying it, they’d repeat it to every romantic partner you ever brought home for the rest of your life, to your mounting distress.

Beetle Bailey, 5/5/24

Elsehwere in the FlagstBaileyVerse, Killer is making a dating app profile! As much fun as the main body of the strip makes spinning a web of lies in an attempt to attract some hapless young woman seem, I must point your attention to Killer’s look of beaten-down resignation in the first throwaway panel. Being the most oversexed soldier in your unit is a job, and Killer is determined to be good at it, but like every job it wears on you after a while.

Mary Worth, 5/5/24

Maybe Killer doesn’t need to put so much work into this, though. After all, if the person you meet on the apps turns out to not be for you, you can always just smooch the nearest attractive service worker to fulfill your natural romantic needs! (Just kidding, if Killer tried this today he would immediately be arrested, because of woke.)

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Judge Parker, 5/3/24

Hey, guys, remember Pavel, a Russian crime boss and the first interesting new character Judge Parker introduced in years? In the old days of the strip, after threatening some ultra violence against our heroes for a few weeks, he would’ve quickly become their friends, but in the year 2024, he instead died when April’s mom suicide-bombed him. But the good news is now we can have plenty of strips where Randy and April can “just be together,” day after day of them sitting together on the couch and being their boring-ass selves, can’t wait.

Mary Worth, 5/3/24

Fellas, if you’re ever in a scenario where you’re supposed to pay for something but don’t have the money, just ostentatiously turn your pockets inside out like this! It’s a delightful bit and everyone loves it, so it’ll really cut the tension. If you can arrange for some moths to fly out, all the better, but that’s not strictly necessary.

Gasoline Alley, 5/3/24

“Really, Rufus, nobody in this strip ‘passes’! Why, you and I have been in this strip for at least fifty years and are no closer to death’s sweet release! We’re here forever. Forever!” [echoing, sinister laughter]