Archive: Mary Worth

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Mark Trail, 12/4/19

Wait, is that … a snow leopard right there, in the foreground of panel two? I honestly can’t tell if it’s a snow leopard or a regular leopard or what, and I need to know so I can assess how ironic Dr. Camel’s dismissal of Mark’s hopes is supposed to be. Anyway, I’m enjoying Marks’s subtle act of rebellion as he expresses his desire to photograph a snow leopard, a real but elusive animal, and not a yeti, the fake animal that is the ostensible reason he was sent on this assignment in the first place.

Mary Worth, 12/4/19

Zak continues to obliterate all competition in the ongoing worldwide Boyfriend Of The Year contest by being young, hot, wealthy thanks to his own hard work, sexually solicitous — and, now, for offering to take many mundane tasks off his girlfriend’s plate, such as monitoring the behavior of her troubled adult son. “What’s up, brah?” the hunky millionaire will ask as he swings by Tommy’s menial supermarket job. “Still fighting off the demons of addiction backed up by the power of Christ? Radical!” Some finger-guns will complete the successful parenting-by-proxy session.

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Happy Monday everyone! Today’s Marvin is not about Marvin’s dirty diapers! Instead, it’s about Jeff and Jenny’s dirty toilet. Look at how big and bulgy it is! Do you think we’re meant to understand that, like a diaper, the toilet has been filled with poop and now needs to be disposed of and replaced? Do you think the Marvin creative team has just forgotten how indoor plumbing works and can only think of human excretory processes in terms of diapers at this point?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/2/19

Shout-out to Rex Morgan, M.D., for showing us the moment when Buck learns that he has to change into scrubs in order to be in the room for his wife’s C-section, and the moment after he put on the scrubs and has evaluated their aesthetics, but not, blessedly, the moment during which he actually changed into them.

Gil Thorp, 12/2/19

We’re still in the “Chet gets his comeuppance” phase of this storyline, which will presumably last the rest of the week and never become particularly interesting, but I want to point out that Gil Thorp, the strip that brought us such classic catchphrases as “Ease up, friend,” doesn’t rest on its laurels. Look for teens across the country to be sassing each other with “Catch up, pal. Nobody cares” well into next spring!

Mary Worth, 12/2/19

Oh no! Iris is letting her hot young boyfriend down by choosing to age normally and experience menopause! If she really cared about him, she would maintain her fertility and, by extension, her sexual desirability just by wanting it bad enough! Guys, I’m … I’m starting to suspect that Mary Worth may not be a feminist comic strip.

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Dick Tracy, 11/30/19

You know, for decades there’s been a tendency for comics-derived media to get more and more serious, with messages like “Sure, I’m a clown who does crimes, but I’m only that way because of the real criminal clown: society.” Glad to see that Dick Tracy is cutting through the liberal mumbo-jumbo to show you a supervillain made the old-fashioned way: by falling face-first into a puddle of acid.

Mary Worth, 11/30/19

Remember, if you have a penis and you value your penis, you must never say the word “menopause,” even if you’re a doctor! It’s a Crone Word, and it will definitely make your penis whither and fall off.