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Six Chix, 11/27/18

Mama Bear finds proof her husband dallied with an elegant bejewelled she-bear in her own bed. Not the right time for a visit, Goldilocks.

Dustin, 11/27/18

Sometimes it’s fun to figure out how cartoonists arrive at the language that winds up on the page. Like maybe they started with “The past is prologue” but realized a prologue just sets the stage for what follows without determining it? And didn’t realize that “The past is predicate” means essentially the same thing, but in a logical rather than a narrative context? Or think “predicate” means “predictive”?

Sometimes it’s no fun at all.

Mark Trail, 11/27/18

“What’s that you say? Education? Book-learning? I’LL BEAT THOSE BRAINS RIGHT OUT OF HIM!”

Mary Worth, 11/27/18

Am I really going to chronicle every petty indignity visited on Mary by her one-eyed demon cat?

Oh, you bet I am!

Bizarro, 11/27/18

Hey lady, if you want to offload one of those cats, I know where there’s a vacancy coming up real soon.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Mary Worth, 11/26/18

We all know how this ends: petty annoyances add up until, in an orgy of blood, Mary murders her cat.

Followed, of course, by two weeks of chatty self-congratulation, platitudes (“People say ‘curiosity killed the cat,’ but now I know better!”) and a closing quote from Albert Camus: “As if the blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world.” And then a pool party!

Gil Thorp, 11/26/18

Hey, you guys: you may think you can bravely outfight, outwit, or at least outrun a gang of menacing street toughs, but you can’t. These guys are criminals who chase down and beat up gym-rat posers like you for fun, and they’re good at it. So just bribe them with some of that fancy camera equipment, then drown your shame in Bud Light under the bleachers on bonfire night. At least you won’t have to drink it through a straw.

Phantom, 11/26/18

OK, “Kit’s letter home” is exactly as exciting as you’d expect — apparently he got poison ivy on the canoe trip, the monks short-sheeted his bed, and there’s nothing but Jell-O for dessert!

But the long-running Phantom succession drama took a sharp turn when sister Heloise brought down arch-terrorist Eric “The Nomad” Sahara (“恐怖分子被捕” → “Terrorist Arrested,” nice touch!) in New York while Kit was weaving lanyards at Craft Hour and Dad was hiding from his wife. Oh sure, she got all weepy and homesick on the mean streets afterward, but c’mon, she crashed a jet, a signature Phantom move. Put me on Team Heloise in the upcoming battle royale for the Skull Ring.

Zits, 11/26/18

Jeremy and his mother talk about nothing but sex. The tension between them is palpable.

— Uncle Lumpy

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“Hello again kids, and welcome back to World of Animals — I’m your beloved host, Carl. Not much going on back home in Yucatán these days, so let’s explore Nature Facts from all around this wonderful World of Animals!”

Six Chix, 11/25/18

“Ever wonder what turkeys do if they survive Thanksgiving? They dress up in human clothes and memorialize the mass death of their kind in ritual feasts like these. Turkeys are not right in the head, is what I’m saying.”

Slylock Fox (details), 11/25/18

“Differences come and go, but a reptile’s gotta eat. Sorry, Sneaky.”

“Hey, good one, Caleb!”

Prince Valiant (detail, excerpt), 11/25/18

“Did you know humans are among the few large mammals to mate year-round? Looks like these two have it figured out! ‘Time devoted strictly to family’ my tiny tail!”

Mary Worth, 11/25/18

“Have you heard about the theory that cats control people through a parasite called Toxoplasma gondii transmitted in their feces, and that people with compromised immune systems — like the elderly — are particularly vulnerable? It’s true!” “Now that Mary Worth has signed on to take all the crap Libby the cat here can put out, and Libby is clearly taking none of hers, we can all settle in to watch them square off in The Battle of the Controlling Parasites. I’ll pop some corn!”

— Turtle Carl, for Uncle Lumpy