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Crock, 5/18/18

Since I started the week saying nice things about some legacy strips, I might as well end it the same way: I genuinely laughed at the intended joke in today’s Crock, of all things. On the unintended humor tip, I like the dark rings around Captain Preppie’s eyes; I’m assuming that’s just supposed to represent how furious he is at the indignities he’s suffering, but it kind of looks like these horny, crazed women have been punching him in the face, the better to strip his clothes off while he’s stunned from their blows.

Mary Worth, 5/18/18

Good news, everybody! Wilbur went to therapy once and now his cancelled column has been restored. I guess good things really do happen when you do the hard work on yourself!

Barney Google and Snuff Smith, 5/18/18

“And my supper! And my lonch tomorrow! And so on for the next several days! The nearest movie theater is a perilous journey, spanning many miles on foot down treacherous unpaved mountain roads!”

Shoe, 5/18/18

But when you ‘buy,’ you should jump right in without asking questions! (The content in today’s Shoe is presented in partnership with the National Automobile Dealers Association.)

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Mary Worth, 5/16/18

“Doctor, I have some things to get off my chest… I want to talk about the women in my life! Iris … Fabiana … Dawn, who it will probably squick you out that I put her in the same category as the first two but you ain’t heard nothing yet … and Wendy, the elusive Wendy. I want her, I need her wisdom, but she’s always … just out of reach. Is it possible to love a woman who doesn’t exist? To make love to a syndicated advice column persona? Will I have to quit writing the column in order to consummate my life, and also purchase some elaborate VR equipment?”

Crankshaft, 5/16/18

Very briefly I thought that Crankshaft’s adventure in this mysteriously hostile and empty bank was supposed to be taking place in some kind of empty parallel dimension, like the Upside-Down from Stranger Things, and that he had been exiled from our reality as part of a twisted science experiment gone actually right, for once. But then I spotted the little triangles in the corner of the first frame, denoting that we should be thinking of it as a photo in an old-timey album, an affectation that used to call us back to the distant past in this strip when Crankshaft was young, but now just means “time that took place at some previous to the current narrative, perhaps as little as a week ago.”

Mark Trail, 5/16/18

Oh, wow, I apologize for saying yesterday that Mark was going to brutally pummel this poor schmo with nature facts. Nope, our hero will just sassily waggle his weirdly tiny index finger at him and get on with the business of whale-saving. Still, I’ve got to imagine that some day — he won’t know when, but the day will come — this gruff tourist will awake and find himself strapped to chair, forced to watch Mark Trail Sunday strip full of nature facts after Mark Trail Sunday strip full of nature facts, his eyelids pried open Ludovico Technique-style.

Spider-Man, 5/16/18

Oh, boy, it’s Spider-Man vs. the TSA, that recurring Newspaper Spider-Man plot point beloved by everyone somebody, somewhere presumably. Anyway, Peter is nervous about his secret identity being blown, as usual, but presumably they’re just about to pull out something really embarrassing, like a canister of cotton-candy flavored vape juice that’s over the legal 3 ounces.

Dennis the Menace, 5/16/18

The only thing menaced by Dennis is the oppressive machinery of the modern state. NO GODS NO MASTERS

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Dennis the Menace, 5/11/18

This is definitely one of the most menacing things Dennis has ever said, as it’s exactly what he’d say if the police found, like, his collection of human skin trophies.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/11/18

Pretty sure you’re never going to have to worry about third grade if your husband keeps giving the kid extremely swallowable puzzle pieces, Loweezy!

Mary Worth, 5/11/18

She says she wants him to come to the car but … she’s definitely beckoning him over the cliff, right? That’s what’s happening in panel two? Just coaxing him into the comforting arms of death?