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Mary Worth, 6/6/17

I was going to make some snide comment about how mariachi music is from Jalisco, on Mexico’s Pacific coast, and totally out of place here in the Yucatan, but heck, you can hire a mariachi band for your wedding in Tulum! You can hire a jug band in Staten Island! Cultures are becoming more and more homogenous as people become more mobile, and as global elite tourism demands to be catered to by specific forms of cultural output! Mary and Toby had better get deeply margarita-drunk while wearing sombreros by the end of this storyline, is what I’m trying to say. Meanwhile, it’s sad that Haiti’s rich cultural heritage has was ignored last month in favor of their unfortunate history of accidental bathroom imprisonment.

Beetle Bailey, 6/6/17

What with the end of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, the idea that two men in the military might be involved in a secret S&M relationship no longer holds a transgressive thrill. That’s why Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC has moved on to “jell-offing,” a sexual fetish where someone can only achieve orgasm if his or her genitals are nestled in a slowly curdling blob of delicious JELL-O® brand pudding.

Blondie, 6/6/17

It’s pretty sad that Blondie had to hire top-notch Web designers and food photographers to create an elaborate website like this for her catering business. Taking photos of each and every single dish she offers definitely has diminishing returns as advertising, but I guess it makes her feel better to know that, if Dagwood’s going to spend his time at work masturbating to food pornography, at least he’s masturbating to her food pornography.

Crock, 6/6/17

It’s kind of odd that Otis, who is one of the more frequently used members of Crock’s cast of characters, has been reduced to a tiny, glowering, wordless gnome-thing in this strip. But I guess it’s also odd that he had “Show and Tell” at school and didn’t bring in his best friend, a talking bird who feasts on the rotting flesh of the dead.

Shoe, 6/6/17

nggnnngghghggngn

THERE IS NO HALL

YOU’RE IN A SINGLE ROOM INSIDE A TREE TRUNK

WHY DON’T YOU SAY “DOWN THE BRANCH” OR SOMETHING

JUST ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY’RE BIRDS LIVING FULL-TIME IN TREES FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE

GOD DAMN IT

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Family Circus, 6/1/17

I’ve never been fully on board with the theory that the Keane Kompound is a generations-long project to produce a racially pure strain of humanity via extensive inbreeding, but today’s panel is certainly another piece of evidence pointing in that direction!

Mary Worth, 6/1/17

Ha ha, we’ve been so focused on “Will Derek cheat on his wife or won’t he???” that we’ve missed the fact that Toby’s already slept with half the dudes on this boat!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/1/17

Canine horniness: just another reason why law enforcement in Hootin’ Holler is so slipshod.

Spider-Man, 6/1/17

Guys, I know she’s old, but … she’s right there

I’m pretty sure she can hear you????

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Dick Tracy, 5/31/17

I freely admit that I don’t understand even a little what exactly Dick Tracy is doing with this “the Margies are all named Margie and it’s cute and they committed some mild CosplayCon grifting and also HARBOR AN UNREASONING HATRED OF THE JEWS” plot. I will say that Margie’s “I know how your people work, Catchem,” doesn’t ring true to me. First of all, everyone knows it’s “you people,” and second of all, most anti-Semites who “know how you people work” would probably assume that the sinister Jews are pulling the strings from behind the scenes, probably in a bank somewhere, rather than getting their hands dirty as beat cops. And yet isn’t that just any despised minority’s dilemma? Nothing will be good enough for those who hate you. Sam Catchem wanted so badly to be accepted as an ordinary Neo-Chicago police officer that he dresses like a damn leprechaun, for God’s sake, and still he catches this kind of abuse from the Margies of the world.

Hi and Lois, 5/31/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because depression is quite common amongst older people, especially if, like Mr. Wavering, they don’t have a partner, but Trixie is too naive to understand this!

Mary Worth, 5/31/17

I know we’re pretty deeply committed to the Katie-Derek-Esmé love triangle plot right now, but, you know, if Toby were to accidentally purchase a cursèd Mayan artifact as a souvenir and bring it back to Charterstone, leaving a trail of gruesome, mysterious deaths her wake, I certainly wouldn’t object.