Archive: Mary Worth

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Here’s something genuinely nice the comics are doing on Thanksgiving: auctioning off original comic strips to benefit those affected by this year’s brutal hurricane season. You know it’s legit because it’s being run by Heritage Auctions, who recently did a similar auction to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! Anyway, what artistic gems from today’s funny pages can you bid on?

Beetle Bailey, 11/23/17

Well, you can help those suffering from want by purchasing a strip reminding you that some people have such a surfeit of resources that they’re literally drowning each other in food out of spite.

Dennis the Menace, 11/23/17

Or you can remind them that, as bad as things get, they don’t live in a world of mingled ignorance and anxiety that has them convinced that they’re about to eat a beloved icon from their childhood!

Blondie, 11/23/17

If you really want to take their minds off their troubles, celebrate their perseverance with this image of Dagwood as a nightmarish three-headed sleep-Cerberus, in a surrealistic image that only draws further attention to his weird neck situation by tripling his number of necks.

Mary Worth, 11/23/17

You know what no amount of tax-deductible charitable donations can buy, though? This amazing work of art, apparently, in which Wilbur screams, silently, but with his mouth gaping open, at … something in Pedro’s oficina. What could it be? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro locked in a passionate embrace? Is it Fabiana and her “cousin” Pedro monitoring the eBay auctions they’ve set up for the emerald ring Wilbur bought Fabiana and also Wilbur’s kidneys? Is it a huge motivational poster announcing that “WE’RE SALSA DANCERS, NOT MAYONNAISE DANCERS: NO SANDWICHES ALLOWED ON PREMISES”? Tune in tomorrow to find out!

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Funky Winkerbean, 11/14/17

Oh, hey, remember those comic book covers Darin inherited? Well, he’s decided to auction them off to benefit Lisa’s Legacy Fund! The comic book covers are incredibly valuable, naturally, I don’t think we even need to question that, even though the embittered artist who left them to Darin died in poverty, so probably the money they’ll raise at this big auction will finally put the Lisa’s Legacy Fund over the top and they’ll cure breast cancer. Anyway, while today’s dialogue is a real treat for fans of word-sequences that no human being would ever utter, don’t let it distract you from the colorist’s error in panel two that produced a nightmare mass of writhing hands sticking out of Darin’s torso.

Judge Parker, 11/14/17

Huh, is Randy going to become a prison-reform radical as a result of his wife’s imprisonment? Is he going to bring down the carceral state … from the inside? I’ll just point out that, while April has some justified beefs with the prison-industrial complex, I don’t see her questioning, say, the government’s employment of an army of shadowy assassins operating across a dizzying array of intelligence agencies.

Spider-Man, 11/14/17

Man, when I filled out that survey last month about what I wanted to see more of in future Spider-Man storylines and checked the box next to “Spider-Man walking and/or web-slinging into things, painfully and face-first,” I didn’t think I’d get results so quickly!

Mary Worth, 11/14/17

And heeeeeeeeeeeere comes the grift

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Gil Thorp, 11/9/17

I’ve decided to settle in and just genuinely enjoy this Gil Thorp plot, which seems to ask us to unironically believe that Uncle Gary’s quest to make Rick Soto a viral singing sensation (a) could work and (b) would change his life if it does. After a vigorous astroturfing campaign got Rick the coveted anthem spot, Uncle Gary is swinging into action, bringing together video editors and social media experts to create the seemingly perfect organic explosion of worldwide interest in Rick Soto’s patriotic pipes. Look at Gary in the control center in panel two, with his bluetooth earpiece and mid-grade laptop! And in panel three … well, if grandpas of all people are watching Rick’s videos, can a Grammy award for Most Patriotic YouTube be far behind?

Spider-Man, 11/9/17

Man, I get it, the life a celebrity is exhausting, travelling between glamorous cities and promoting your films and what not. Sometimes you just want to go visit your old family friend, a dangerous lizard-mutant, and sun yourself on a rock in his terrarium, away from the probing eyes of the press, you know?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/9/17

Buck’s ex is of course violent, abusive, and delusional, and trying to separate him from his new, healthier relationship is a classic abuser move, but in panel three we get to see just how delusional she is. Like … does she think selling comic book panels on eBay is how a guy like Buck can woo a lady? That’s … that’s not how anything works, man.

Mary Worth, 11/9/17

[Not shown: four panels of Iris saying, “No, it’s too late in the evening, coffee will keep me up all night,” and Zak winking at her in increasingly exaggerated fashion and saying “No, not coffee, but, you know … coffee.”]