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Mary Worth, 12/21/15

One of the low-key weirder details out of many in this Olive storyline in Mary Worth is that Olive’s parents are vaguely implied to be bad and neglectful because they can’t stop getting their fuck on. And now Mary’s aggression on this subject is getting a lot less passive! “You two love birds keep doing what you’re doing, which is enjoying the physical aspects of the sex act without true emotional intimacy! We have things under control here, unlike you, who can’t even control your engorged genitals!”

Momma, 12/21/15

Speaking of shameful lusts, Momma’s recent strips that seem to accidentally be about incest have been so weird and disturbing that today’s installment, in which Francis has literally twisted himself into a sexual frenzy as he stares at a parade of hot ladies out his mother’s front window, is a relief, in that none of those hot ladies is his sister.

Curtis, 12/21/15

At least there’s no overt sexuality in today’s Curtis! No, Greg’s soul isn’t stirred by lust or passion of any sort. It’s not because commercialism is any worse today than it used to be, it’s just because years of adulthood have crushed his spirit and now he can’t feel.

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This the last day of me putting up banners to promote my novel, The Enthusiast, on the main blog. Thanks so much to everyone who bought it and read it! Check out the first chapter, then buy:

• The hardcover or softcover edition for $25 or $15
• The ebook edition for $8, which includes files for all devices
• And if the mood strikes, you can put some money in my tip jar

Don’t worry, though, the ad for it will always be lurking in the sidebar, patiently waiting for you to click on it.

Mary Worth, 12/20/15

Yes, Christmas dinner and Mary Worth are brought to you by Whole Foods Markets Inc.! Specifically, some Whole Foods Market Inc. that is miles away from where Olive lives in Manhattan, since all Manhattan Whole foods are on the ground floor of multistory buildings. New York can be pretty smug, but for the specific type of down home holiday sanctimony Mary’s after, you really need to get out to the suburbs, you know?

Judge Parker, 12/20/15

WAIT WHAT

JUDGE PARKER EMERITUS GOT HIS FIRST NOVEL OPTIONED AS A MOVIE, AND THEY LET HIM WRITE THE SCREENPLAY EVEN THOUGH HE HAD LITERALLY NEVER WRITTEN A SCREENPLAY BEFORE, AND NOW THE STUDIO PEOPLE WHOSE JOB IT IS TO MAKE PROFITABLE MOVIES HAVE READ IT AND THEY WANT … CHANGES???

THE CONCIERGE AT THE BUSINESS CENTER ON THE CRUISE SHIP HELPED HIM PUNCH IT UP AND EVERYTHING

DON’T THEY KNOW WHO HE IS

HOW DARE THEY

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Mary Worth, 12/10/15

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on Mary and Olive’s Manhattan tourism adventures. At the moment, they’re taking in the smash Broadway musica Matilda, based on the beloved Roald Dahl book, about a little girl with the ability to move objects with her mind, and … say, Mary, what are you on about here, exactly? So far, Olive’s unusual powers have been somewhat passive in nature: angelic visions, premonitions of danger, that sort of thing. But soon her powers will be turned outwards. Soon, all of us will wish we never heard the name “Olive” — and Mary will be there, each step of the way, pulling the strings.

Dennis the Menace, 12/10/15

Like many people throughout the ages who have encountered evil that they’re unable or unwilling to stop, Mr. Wilson is finding comfort in the idea of a supernatural being in charge of a system of rewards and punishments.

Gasoline Alley, 12/10/15

Say what you will about Gasoline Alley’s current bizarre fixation on scrapbooking, but this is the fifth time in two weeks I’ve featured the strip here, which is more attention I’ve paid to this feature since Slim tried to ethnically cleanse his neighborhood with a meteorite back in aught-seven. Anyway, today’s baffling detail is the WFW, which doesn’t seem to be an abbreviation for any particular sports league. Potential definitions offered by Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary seem unlikely, though hilarious.

Momma, 12/10/15

That is not Thomas and Tina

That is Francis and MaryLou, and they are not married, they are brother and sister

Exactly what kind of sick incest roleplay is happening here