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Archive: Mary Worth

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Pontifex Kazicus

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Gil Thorp, 3/31/12

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the spring storyline in Gil Thorp! (Or, for you Thorpophobes: Sorry I’m about to bring you up to date on the spring storyline in Gil Thorp!) The softball team has been roiled by a standoffish new girl who’s only standoffish to protect a mysterious secret (HER SECRET: she is a teen mom), which I’m sure will be wacky at some point in the future but right now it’s kind of enh. What drew my eye to today’s strip was the second panel. Most of us probably wouldn’t deem five vultures hovering menacingly over the baseball field a “good sign” for the season. My guess is that, having failed at coaching via conventional means, Gil and Coach Kaz have decided to study the ancient art of augury, which the Romans used to divine the future by studying the flight patterns of birds, in order to defeat their enemies and gain the favor of the gods. This will go great, up until the inevitable lawsuit from Americans United for the Separation of Pagan Temple and State.

Mary Worth, 3/31/12

Now here’s an interesting plot twist! This scene of Nola weeping disconsolately in public, pleasing though it is, surely isn’t the last we’re going to see of her; so why the sudden shift to Mary and Jeff (the latter in his sweet letterman jacket), sitting at home watching This Week In Disgraced Televangelists on the Schadenfreude Channel? Perhaps there’s a link between weeping Nola and her biblical-esque parable, failed monogamist Johnny Thomas, and these helpful words from Jesus from earlier this month? My guess: Nola and Johnny will find their way back to righteousness together, after they have illicit sex.

Dennis the Menace, 3/31/12

Mr. Wilson has finally decided to kill Dennis, with insecticide.

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Three cheers for the collapse of decency!

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Hi and Lois, 3/27/12

As I’ve noted, I’m really quite pleased that Hi and Lois has chosen to either go “edgy” or stop caring (or, more likely, both) and reclaim Thirsty’s original purpose as a character, which was to provide alcohol-fueled comic contrast with the strip’s square protagonist. I’m imagining Thirsty shoving that whole pitcher into a plastic bag, taking occasional slurps from it so as to numb the pain of the rest of the afternoon at Foofram Industries.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/27/12

Speaking of keeping things clean for the kids: Rex Morgan, I know that the newspaper comics industry does impose some restrictions on adult content, but I’m pretty sure you’re allowed to write the phrase “take a bath,” particularly in a strip where you lavish that much attention on the underside of Iris’s breasts.

Mary Worth, 3/27/12

Hmm, yesterday when I referred to this fellow as a “magical hobo”, I meant it as a term of literary criticism, highlighting the fact that he no doubt exists merely to help along the story of the main characters, and that his own wants, needs, and pain are entirely ignored by the narrative. But today we learn that he has the ability to instantly teleport himself from two feet in front of Nola to two feet behind her, presumably via magic.

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The helpful homeless

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Slylock Fox, 3/26/12

Never let it be said that Slylock only uses his detective services to buttress the prevailing capitalistic power structure! Count Weirdly can drive around with his sinister magnet and cheerful octopus sidekick all day, wrenching valuable steel and iron out of the skyscrapers where the wealthy gather, cackling all the while. Who cares? The Count himself is a member of the aristocracy, so let’s just let the rich fight it out. But these easily terrified homeless beavers — they must have their feelings soothed, through comforting scientific explanations, so that they know that they were never in any real danger (except for danger from death by exposure, when their two wagons’ worth of cans don’t garner enough to pay for a flophouse for the evening).

Mary Worth, 3/26/12

Speaking of America’s tragic homelessness problem, words cannot express how completely giddy I am at the prospect of a week-long summit between Suddenly Conscience-Having Nola and this magical hobo. Presumably, having been softened up by a drunken tirade of abuse from her latest victim, Nola will learn the true meaning of kindness from this man, who, despite having a beard so filthy and ill-kempt it can only be described as “lumpy,” still takes a moment out of his busy day of shouting at invisible demons and not freezing to death to spare a kind word for a weeping businesslady. Will Nola repay this act of generosity by volunteering down at the soup kitchen, or let him camp out in her sweet office, or perhaps move on with her life a better person and never once spare a thought to any existence this homeless person might have outside of the few moments he spent interacting with her? Yeah, probably the last one.

Apartment 3-G, 3/26/12

Margo being an all-heels all-the-time gal fits in pretty well with her personality and whatever we can glimpse of her cultural milieu through the fog of Eisenhower Era-ish art, but I was still kind of surprised to hear her say it, probably because we almost never get to see her below the solar plexus, so who knows what her shoes look like? Does she even have feet?