Post Content

Mary Worth, 4/23/12

Oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting there to be some more dramatic meat to the “Nola reforms” storyline, or at least maybe the reappearance of that comically weepy televangelist? Well, tough! Having squared all that business away, Mary is going to jet off to New York City without so much as a pool party. Who needs some lame California soirée when there’s a hip New York City get-together you’ve been invited to, probably in some converted loft space on the Lower East Side, am I right?

I’m actually pretty sure that this will be the first time I’ve ever seen Mary leave Santa Royale, other than when she flew to Vietnam to rescue Dr. Jeff from the charity work he loved so much. Obviously Jeff doesn’t get invited on fun trips, though we should maybe question whether Mary is going to have as much fun as she thinks she will. Since she was unable to handle the raw urban horror of downtown Santa Royale and its hellish Women’s Shelter, I imagine she’ll find even New York’s most upscale neighborhoods utterly terrifying.

Apartment 3-G, 4/23/12

Because you know what happens in New York? Rampant adultery, that’s what! I mean, if you consider mashing your faces together drunkenly and saying “KISS” really loudly to be adultery, which I’m assuming Mary does. Anyway, this kissing business is clearly Margo’s worst bad idea yet — not because Margo is somehow morally opposed to stealing men away from their hugely pregnant wives or anything, but because Scott is a whiny little feeb not worthy of her attentions and Nina is a badass who can strangle people with her mind.

Post Content

Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/22/12

Well, it’s about time that a member of the Slylock Fox rogues gallery started fighting back against the cruel dictatorship of ratiocination that’s always keeping them down; and I’m enough of a speciesist to be glad to see that it’s Slick Smitty, the lone human recurring character in this strip full of anthropomorphic insanity. Still, it’s unsurprising to see that he’s not getting a fair trial here by this all-animal jury, who all appear enraptured by Slylock’s blatantly classist argument. “Remember, a true gentleman would have offered his right hand for a handshake. By crudely thrusting his left hand at me, Slick Smitty proved he was no gentleman. Didn’t he deserve to have his delicate metacarpals crushed by my powerful vulpine paw?”

Mary Worth, 4/22/12

I know it’s a fairly small aspect of this plot, I’m a little worried about Dan Smithers, the man whom Nola lied about in order to get his job. Do you really think he’s going to get his job back? How’s that conversation going to go? “Hey, Prez, I know that you were willing to fire me for embezzlement based only on the say-so of your underling who you were sleeping with, and who stood to benefit by my removal, but I’m willing to let bygones be bygones and establish an incredibly awkward working relationship with you! Oh, FYI, since I left I developed a drinking problem.”

Post Content

Slylock Fox, 4/16/12

The most hilarious Slylock Fox mystery solutions are the ones that rely on animal biology. I mean, in practice all Slylock mysteries actually rely on just arresting the only suspiciously named serial criminal who appears in the strip and/or assuming that anyone who’s been accused of a crime is in fact guilty, but the details needed to trump up charges against these people are always important, and so it’s great when those details involve, say, the average heart rate of a typical rat. The typical rat, of course, does not walk on its hind legs, wear clothes or “bad to the bone”-style sunglasses, live in a house, or grow to a freakishly enormous size. Rats also do not usually have the cognitive ability to either deliberately sabotage advanced traffic management systems or derive twisted satisfaction from the automotive carnage that results from such mischief. But sure, Rodney’s heart couldn’t have been measured at 72 beats per minute, right? Say, where’d you learn that little factoid about rats, Slylock? Did you read it in a book or look it up on the Internet? Because those are totally things that foxes do.

Apartment 3-G, 4/16/12

Tommie and Nina had a conversation earlier about how Nina’s mother died when Nina was a little girl and she was raised by her wonderful dad and that’s why she never learned to have lady-emotions. The fact that Margo seems to know a bit about this implies that she and Tommie have been comparing notes on the Gaines’ marital dysfunction back at Apartment 3-G, except obviously Tommie knows not to speak to Margo unless spoken to and why would Margo bother speaking to Tommie, ugh, so boring. Therefore, I have to assume that Margo and Scott are desperately trying to stave off their drunken lust for one another by just toasting things at random. “Here’s to Nina … and Nina’s father! She’s got a dad, right? Still on good terms with him? And hey, how about whoever decided to paint the underside of these yellow cabinets blue? Bold choice! Let’s toast that person!”

Mary Worth, 4/16/12

Mary Worth holds her teacup in a death grip. “So far,” she thinks, “I’ve heard about the unpleasant alcoholic whose life Nola destroyed, and some smelly vagrant, but I haven’t heard anything about my advice at all. Nola can’t possibly be on the true path to righteousness until she submits to my will.” Mary’s so focused on Nola’s failure to acknowledge her meddling primacy that she hasn’t even noticed the woman’s disproportionately large eyes, which probably indicate that “Nola” is a grey alien wearing an ill-fitting wig.