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Spider-Man, 11/6/11

Oh, man, this is pretty much my favorite kind of Spider-Man strip: one in which he’s insulted and humiliated in a vaguely sexual fashion. Sure, the whole thing about gaining Jameson’s trust with Spidey-hate makes zero sense, since every interaction between JJJ and Serra we’ve seen involves her defending him; still, if we can see Spider-Man cowering in chains at her high-heeled feet while she calls him a “costumed clown,” I’m a happy guy.

Judge Parker, 11/6/11

Since the Parker-Driver clan has basically unlimited wealth at its disposal, much of the drama of the strip revolves around how they can emotionally navigate their way through a life of obscene abundance. Sam manages through emotional deadness and a refusal to make genuine connections to his fellow human beings, a lesson he’s trying hard to pass on to Sophie before it’s too late. “Sure, I dropped a ludicrous amount of money on this stupid RV, but when I get bored with it, I can always sell it, or, worst case, set it on fire and then collect the insurance money. Do you plan to do the same with Derek? Let me know now if you do, because the lawyers we’d need for that are spendy, and I might have to move some money around to make that happen.”

Panel from Mary Worth, 11/6/11

Desperate to show that she still has some street cred after years as Ian’s trophy wife, Toby goes for the most awkward and ill-timed fist-bump in history as the waiter looks on in horror. “Yes, Mary, it’s time to get in touch with local law enforcement agencies! Come on, give me some daps.”

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Mary Worth, 11/2/11

OMG MARY JUST GO PICK-POCKETED RIGHT THERE IN HER ELEGANT LUNCHING ESTABLISHMENT!! Look at these thugs, with their futuristic whited-out glasses and leather vests and knitted belts and man-necklaces! We all know what that ensemble means: Filthy thieving hippies. Brazen ones too: it looks like after they purloined Mary’s wallet, they walked right around Mary and Toby’s table rather than scurrying off in the other direction, to get the kicks that hard drugs no longer provide.

Sadly, this probably means that there will be no pool party for us, as Mary will be far too busy filing police reports and canceling her credit cards to engage in any such frivolity.

Apartment 3-G, 11/2/11

Every once in a while you realize that the only reason that Lu Ann and Margo have managed to survive this long as roommates is because they function on such entirely different levels that they don’t actually understand what they’re saying to each other. For instance, Margo uses the phrase “bridge-and-tunnel man” to refer to a guy into a certain sexual act so perverse that even she finds it mildly distasteful.

B.C., 11/2/11

Say what you will about Apartment 3-G’s weirdly New Jersey-focused romance plot, but it has yet to indulge in a single Jersey Shore gag.

Crankshaft, 11/2/11

It used to be that you could say, “Crankshaft may be a miserable, hateful human being who will soon die alone and unloved, as he deserves, but at least we’re never forced to contemplate what sort of ugly and pathetic libidinous impulses lurk below his crusty, misanthropic surface.” Used to be.

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/28/11

I have to admit that I like the sly little smile on witch-girl’s face in this cartoon. “Tee-hee! He sassed back to our teacher, using a vaguely appropriate bit of wordplay! He’s a bad boy who plays by his own rules, but isn’t a complete dolt! I’m totally going to regret losing my virginity to him in two years!”

Hi and Lois, 10/28/11

Ha ha, it’s funny because Chip can set specific songs for his ringtone, which is a feature that’s actually been available on phones for years and years now and isn’t new or awesome, and also isn’t funny. But, um, his dad sure hates it, so, hilarity?

Apartment 3-G, 10/28/11

Wait, Margo is talking about liking Lu Ann, and hugging, and her face isn’t twisted with rage and disgust? This is what comes of this “art without rules” business. ART NEEDS RULES! THERE ARE TERRIBLE CONSEQUENCES WHEN ART HAPPENS AND THERE ARE NO RULES!

Mary Worth, 10/28/11

Meanwhile, Bobby and Gina are driving down Easy Street, far in excess of the posted speed limit, while gazing into each other’s eyes! What could possibly go wrong?