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Mary Worth, 10/24/11

Oh look, it appears that, after successfully reuniting, a certain lovestruck couple forgot to pay homage to the woman who made it all possible, in the sense that she suggested to Gina that maybe she ought to seek out the man she loved rather than moping about him constantly. Mary will surely be flabbergasted when she arrives at the diner, only to have the new waitress say, “What, Gina, the one with the hideous ponytail? She quit weeks ago, said something about how she didn’t need this crappy minimum wage job now that she was going to be sexing up her new hot rich athlete boyfriend full-time.”

Of course, you don’t get rid of Mary Worth that easily. One assumes that Mary will be stalking the happy couple (and, by extension, the New York Blazes) across the country, demanding acknowledgement that all their aforementioned happiness derives from her meddling; eventually, the mobsters from whom Gina was fleeing in the first place will be called in, because the only way that true gratitude can be shown is in blood.

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/11

And hey, let’s check in with Tommie! What with all the Lu Ann wedding and Margo art-wrangling excitement, we’ve been ignoring her quest to finally realize her dream as a singing sensation. Hmm, what’s that? She’s failing in that dream, disappointing her mentors and everyone else? Sure, that seems about right.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/20/11

I am 100 percent in favor of Snuffy Smith focusing less on chicken thievery and more on Lureen cutting a sexual swath through the male population of Hootin’ Holler. The nickname she’s chosen for her current beau is rather poignant; due to his ripe old age and her impoverished community’s rudimentary medical system, she probably doesn’t need to worry about this fling lasting very long, if you know what I mean.

Mary Worth, 10/20/11

Oh, good lord, Bobby does still love Gina, and now we’re going to get a week or two of strips dedicated to the two of them mewling rapturously about the glory and majesty of their affection for one another. Our only hope is that we suddenly switch to a different, more interesting plot — one that, say, explains how Inside the Actors Studio’s James Lipton lost it all and ended up working as a maitre d’ at a midscale restaurant in California.

Spider-Man, 10/20/11

“I mean, I’m really not the kind of guy people ‘like’ or ‘want to help in any way.’ What’s in it for her?”

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Mary Worth, 10/19/11

Boy, Mary Worth got kind of boring in my absence, didn’t it? With the surprisingly fast reunion and all? Bobby and Gina, back together, still in love … wait a minute, Bobby says he loved Gina, past tense! YES, MORE DRAMA AND HEARTBREAK AND oh, man, I’m looking for drama in the verb tenses of Mary Worth. This is quite frankly a new personal low.

Beetle Bailey, 10/19/11

If you had asked me, “Josh, could Beetle Bailey become less funny if the entire cast were replaced by tiny robot replicas of themselves?” I would have said “no” because quite honestly I would have tuned out everything after “become less funny.” But now that I see the aggressively wacky Mini-Gizmo I already hate it even more than I already hated the real Gizmo. God, I can just hear its loathsomely zany robot-voice. WHY DOES BEETLE BAILEY MAKE IRRITATING EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES?

Six Chix, 10/19/11

Yeah, so apparently Rina Piccolo (aka the Six Chix Wednesday chick) is going keep doing S&M themed comics until somebody stops her.