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Slylock Fox, 10/26/11

That’s right, kids! Many of your favorite films were actually derived from so-called “books”! In these mysterious objects, speech is transformed into a series of pictogram-like scribblings, based on a method designed by the ancient Phoenicians. Doesn’t it sound mysterious and exciting? Doesn’t it make you want to achieve at least basic literacy, enough to be able to read your daily newspaper and the comics therein? Just think, you’ll know the endings to all of Hollywood’s major motion pictures (like Ape Noogie, coming this fall from New Line Cinema) before any of your friends — if you read the books first!

Mary Worth, 10/26/11

Maybe you find yourself unable to enjoy Mary Worth either sincerely or ironically. But can’t you at least enjoy Mary’s propensity to haunt pie joints? As usual, the subtly weird perspective in this strip makes it hard to tell how far anything is from anything else or how big it is, but I’m guessing that pie in the background in panel two is at least two feet in diameter.

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Mary Worth, 10/24/11

Oh look, it appears that, after successfully reuniting, a certain lovestruck couple forgot to pay homage to the woman who made it all possible, in the sense that she suggested to Gina that maybe she ought to seek out the man she loved rather than moping about him constantly. Mary will surely be flabbergasted when she arrives at the diner, only to have the new waitress say, “What, Gina, the one with the hideous ponytail? She quit weeks ago, said something about how she didn’t need this crappy minimum wage job now that she was going to be sexing up her new hot rich athlete boyfriend full-time.”

Of course, you don’t get rid of Mary Worth that easily. One assumes that Mary will be stalking the happy couple (and, by extension, the New York Blazes) across the country, demanding acknowledgement that all their aforementioned happiness derives from her meddling; eventually, the mobsters from whom Gina was fleeing in the first place will be called in, because the only way that true gratitude can be shown is in blood.

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/11

And hey, let’s check in with Tommie! What with all the Lu Ann wedding and Margo art-wrangling excitement, we’ve been ignoring her quest to finally realize her dream as a singing sensation. Hmm, what’s that? She’s failing in that dream, disappointing her mentors and everyone else? Sure, that seems about right.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/20/11

I am 100 percent in favor of Snuffy Smith focusing less on chicken thievery and more on Lureen cutting a sexual swath through the male population of Hootin’ Holler. The nickname she’s chosen for her current beau is rather poignant; due to his ripe old age and her impoverished community’s rudimentary medical system, she probably doesn’t need to worry about this fling lasting very long, if you know what I mean.

Mary Worth, 10/20/11

Oh, good lord, Bobby does still love Gina, and now we’re going to get a week or two of strips dedicated to the two of them mewling rapturously about the glory and majesty of their affection for one another. Our only hope is that we suddenly switch to a different, more interesting plot — one that, say, explains how Inside the Actors Studio’s James Lipton lost it all and ended up working as a maitre d’ at a midscale restaurant in California.

Spider-Man, 10/20/11

“I mean, I’m really not the kind of guy people ‘like’ or ‘want to help in any way.’ What’s in it for her?”