Archive: Mary Worth

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Guys, when I’m away from the comics for a while, I need to dive back into the warm, welcoming arms of my first comics-mocking love: the soap strips. Let’s catch up together, shall we?

Mary Worth, 3/15/11

I don’t know what’s sadder: the fact that Wilbur thought that flying large, old-fashioned kites down at the park would restore his daughter’s mental health and their relationship, or that he thought that flying large, old-fashioned kites down at the park once would do the trick, permanently. “We’re good now, though, right? I can go back to more or less ignoring you and rededicate my energy to my sandwich photography Tumblr?”

Meanwhile, check out Dawn’s crazed eyes in panel one. Wilbur hasn’t fixed anything, of course, but merely redirected her mania. Now she’s well and truly addicted to kite-flying! This all looks fun now, but in a week, when she’s dragging that kite across the ground in the middle of a windless night, sobbing, Wilbur will be sorry.

Mark Trail, 3/15/11

Oh, look, Mark Trail has moved away from its laughable drug island plot and returned to its ever so slightly less laughable love triangle plot. I love how Kelly’s story is calculated to sound as ridiculous as possible. Why don’t you just tell her that you were rehearsing for a play or something, Kelly? A play where Mark has to get naked and kiss you? It would be about as plausible.

Judge Parker, 3/15/11

Whoops, it looks like Constance has been caught showing more concern for a pricey but ultimately useless physical object than for a real live human being who died in agony! Don’t worry, honey, you’ll fit in with this band of rich narcissists just fine.

Apartment 3-G, 3/15/11

Finally, in Apartment 3-G, bald or balding white men are nervous about Trey Brooks. What terrible power does he hold over them? Is it his scarf? Does his yellow scarf cause them a certain nameless terror? Does it force them to obey his every whim?

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Sincere thanks to everyone who contributed to the Comics Curmudgeon 2011 Spring Fundraiser! In case you missed it, you can still use the “Donate” button on the left to make an online contribution, or drop me a line at uncle.lumpy@comcast.net for Josh’s address — but no more organized fundraising for another six months or so. Thanks again.


Gil Thorp, 3/13/11

Hornéd Armani-lovin’ B-ballin’ “second-teamer” Lini Verde — rooted by a steamy wave 200-strong, Miss Ducey! Gil Thorp redefines “incomprehensible filth” for a new generation. Stand aside, Peter Greenaway!

Barney Google & Snuffy Smith, 3/13/11

“Trading wood” isn’t a thing now, is it? Somebody please tell me it’s not a thing. Because those smiles are creeping me right out, and I’m afraid to Google it.

Mary Worth, 3/13/11

Oh please for the merciful love of Heaven let them be talking about kites ….

9 Chickweed Lane, 3/13/11

OK, somebody’s got to get through to Team Chickweed that “portrays characters of diverse sexual orientations” does not mean “more opportunities for random couplings.” Well, that, but not only that.

Archie, 3/13/11

Hey Pop, you got to put on the special glasses for that.

— Uncle Lumpy

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The comics celebrate Carnivale with a tedious procession of same-old same-old — so let’s dig in!

9 Chickweed Lane, 3/8/11

9 Chickweed Lane tries to balance weeks of yak yak gayification of Uncle Roger with weeks of dance dance straightification of Seth. It doesn’t work, but at least nobody’s talking.

Ziggy, 3/8/11

Everyone in Ziggy enjoys his suffering as much as the universe does.

Mary Worth, 3/8/11

Warning: Frolic ahead! Escape, Dawn — only TV Tropes can save you now!

Crankshaft, 3/8/11

See? Nothing really changes except your car is cheesier, your mood surlier, the weather’s worse, you can’t afford as many flowers, and your beloved is long dead. Happy Lent, everybody!


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— Uncle Lumpy