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Mark Trail, 12/12/10

In today’s educational Sunday strip, we learn some crap about Santa and Druids but mostly get to see with our own eyes how uncomfortable Mark gets when his wife is kissing him. “When the last berry is picked, the kissing should end — it must end. Please, please, let it end. Good luck in enduring a lady’s mouth parts touching all of your mouth parts!”

Mary Worth, 12/12/10

Mary’s intrigued by Jill’s M.O. “Instead of bottling her emotions up deep inside, she just lets loose with stream of invective! What compels her to be so open about her negative thoughts? Could this technique be learned? Must … find out …”

Spider-Man, 12/12/10

If I’m ever involved in some kind of superhero team-up, I hope at some point I get to say “I figured you could handle him — while I looked after the ladies.” That’s because I’m a ladies man! And also a coward.

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Panel from Mark Trail, 12/10/10

Let’s cap off a hilarious week in Mark Trail with this hilarious panel! Longtime Trail readers know that the idea of Mark having sex with anyone is utterly laughable, but this panel pretty much seems to tease us with the concept of a Mark-Kelly tryst, as Mark tidies himself up and Kelly offers the first T&A cheesecake shot ever to involve a polo shirt and mom jeans. Our first clue that something is amiss is that Mark is combing his hair. Mark’s hair doesn’t require anything like “combing” for maintenance! It’s a single ink-black unit that hugs his head, needing only the occasional regreasing. Clearly we’ve slipped into some sort of parallel universe, or perhaps are seeing only the images in Kelly’s fevered imagination.

Panel from Mary Worth, 12/10/10

And let’s cap off a hilarious week in Mary Worth with this poignant panel, as two strong men attempt to drag Jill out to the back alley and she desperately pushes her face back into the reception hall, trying to get in one last cuss word. You have to admire her stamina, and her determination to save Adrian from herself. “*@^%$#!” she shouts, as if this is the “*@^%$#” that’s going to push Adrian over the edge and get her to realize that marriage really is all a scam. “Yeah, what am I doing, committing my life to this guy,” Adrian thinks. “*@^%$#ing A!”

Apartment 3-G, 12/10/10

Because of Apartment 3-G’s weird fashions, which seem to be representative of no particular era or cultural milieu, it’s hard to get a sense of exactly how old the main characters are supposed to be. Well, here’s your proof: they’re somewhere around 13.

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Mary Worth, 12/9/10

Can there be any more delightful phrase in the English language than Jill saying “I’m not finished yet!” Let us hope that her drunken outburst goes on for days — nay, weeks! She appears to be attempting to pick up that table in panel two, so one assumes that she’s about to start bludgeoning people with it.

My favorite new character in today’s strip is David Niven, who looks up in sudden surprise in panel one despite the fact that this tirade must have been going on for a full minute or two at this point. Perhaps he was so enraptured by the little lemon slice on his water glass that he’s just now noticing the commotion.

Curtis, 12/9/10

She-bully Veranda becomes today’s unlikely hero, as everything she says to Curtis is in fact 100 percent accurate.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/9/10

“My therapist tells me that isn’t so much ‘Lisa’ as ‘my own deeply internalized sense of self-loathing,’ but what does he know? In my heart, I’m sure that Lisa is always with me, telling me that I’m a failure!”