Archive: Mary Worth

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One Big Happy, 8/27/09

You might think that my favorite One Big Happy character would be Ruthie, standing as she does on the knife’s edge between adorable high-spirited child and wild-eyed maniac. But I’m actually pretty partial to Joe’s moments in the spotlight, as it’s easy to see the belligerent and unemployed 25-year-old in his future. I thoroughly enjoy his third-panel soliloquy in particular, with its casual use of “do me one” and “aw right” (let’s ignore for the moment the fact that “don’t poke my eye in the bouncy house” sounds positively filthy); and I love the fact that whatever adult that retreating back in panel one belongs to has completely checked out by the end of the comic, leaving Joe to angrily berate a plastic penguin.

Mary Worth, 8/27/09

My goodness, is this the first evidence we’ve had that Mary is not, in fact, omniscient? Mary seems to think that all Delilah did was wander around the sterile Chartersone grounds for a bit ruminating on how great it was to be married to the bland, emotionally absent Lawrence; she apparently knows nothing about Delilah’s visit to Charley’s terrifying sex lair. Is Mary not perhaps the all-seeing, all-controlling puppetmaster that she seems to be? Or is she simply leaving out the most exciting part of this story because she fears that Tobey, too, will be tempted to test her devotion to her bearish Scottish spouse by checking out her neighbor’s art … of a kind?

Gil Thorp, 8/27/09

Well, this Gil Thorp summer storyline got dulled up real fast, with rage-maddened stalker Marty DeJong instantly finding personal fulfillment in coaching poor children. But the second panel is pretty poignant, with Marty saying that striking someone out — something he’ll never do again, since he blew his arm out under “Coach” Thorp’s “care” — is the best feeling a human being can experience. Presumably after dropping Casper off at home, Marty will go quietly hang himself from a tree in the Thorps’ front yard; it’s the sort of thing that would devastate Gil, if Gil were the type of guy who cared about things.

Apartment 3-G, 8/27/09

You know, if Margo or even Lu Ann were to tell some dapper gentleman “I want to thank you for last night,” she would mean “I want to thank you for the new heights of physical pleasure we reached together last night.” But this is Tommie, so she means “Thanks for the subtle unpaid grief counseling you offered to my much more interesting roommate last night,” obviously.

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Ha ha! You all make fun of my frequent vacations from the site, but did you know that last week I went on vacation and still blogged? Truth! I wasn’t able to keep up with the comments as much as I usually do, though, so it may be that some gems passed me by. Nevertheless, I have assembled what I believe to be a pretty hilarious list.

Oh! Wait! But! First there are items, of course. First off is an intriguing note from Bob Weber, Jr., the man behind Slylock Fox! He wants to let all of you guys know that he’s selling original Slylock art; so, if there are particular strips you’re interested in, or if you just want all the strips you can handle for your Reeky Rat shrine, contact him at slylockart@yahoo.com.

And! Faithful reader =Jym= sends us this pic to remind us that there can be love in the terrifying ruins haunted by the damned souls in the Winkerverse:

Perhaps returned hero/shattered shell of a man Wally Winkerbean will be interested, now that he’s single again!

And finally, faithful reader Greg offers this not wholly safe for work look at what that terrifying painting over at Charley’s apartment really looked like.

UPDATE: Guys, I totally almost forgot to add that Dean Booth, longtime faithful reader and proprietor of the always awesome Dean’s Comic Booth, is one of the finalists in this week’s New Yorker cartoon caption contest! Go forth and vote! “My caption isn’t particularly funny, but I think that was the key to my success,” he notes.

And now, without further ado … your comment of the week!

“‘Remember, Margo? You weren’t happy.’ Oh yeah, that narrows things down a lot.” –Sue D. Nymme

And the runners up!

“I hope that isn’t a clean diaper. It’s the least the grandmothers deserve for not leaving Marvin exposed on a mountainside the day he was born.” –Comrade Denny

“Like all taken-in strays, Tommy Libonate will, within minutes, get into a fight with the family dog and urinate all over the tent. God bless him.” –teddytoad

“Also, for the office pool: If no one has taken ‘Hitman in Orange, covered in toxic waste, grows facial hair; Mark punches him,’ then I’d like to call it.” –boojum

“Discussion question: is the idea that Delilah needs her hubby to help her get a book on music theory vanity-published more or less retrograde than the idea that all marital problems can be solved with babies?” –commodorejohn

“Del should just leave musical theory alone — I mean, what the hell did it ever do to her? I think a slim volume of fashion advice is the way to go: The All One-Color-Uniform — Looks Like A Sassy Jumpsuit, Even When It Isn’t! Three pages, easy, and sure to prompt a heap o’ podcasts and twatting.” –curlyfries

“While it’s a generally acknowledged fact that most of the Island of Doctor Moreau-esque abominations that populate the Plugger universe have three paws in the grave, it nonetheless seems needlessly cruel of the comparatively spry movie ticket lady to taunt our elderly protagonist about the fact that he may well not live to see how Paul Blart: Mall Cop turns out.” –Violet

[Luann] is annoying me because of the way it has completely inverted itself over the years. It started out as a strip about a regular teen girl with a crush on a guy way out of her league, a jerk older brother, and sporadic battles with the ‘in-crowd’ cheerleader-types. Now her brother is Mr. Sensitive, getting wild non-sex from a model with a brain. TJ went from being the only funny guy to being the guy you want to shoot the most. Luann is so loaded with dates that she can’t even choose which beau to not-screw. And I’m feeling sorry for Tiffany. Maybe she’ll hook up with Dirk in a spinoff strip called The Outcasts Who Dare to Have Sex.” –Hogenmogen

“So how detailed did Margo get? Did she tell him to make multiple copies and to roll it up first? Or to remove the staples?” –un malpaso

“I love the chipmunk. I think as far as Jack Elrod is concerned the characters are interchangeable mannequins saying ‘blah blah blah blah blah’ to one another and the real strip is about giant animal closeups. Why does he do this? Are his giant animals not quite good enough for him to be a wildlife illustrator? Is there really no work for someone who can draw individually charismatic chipmunks but can only distinguish between people through hair colour and placement?” –Aviatrix

“I think the chipmunk is named ‘Mark.’ It’s a reasonably common name, and who would you rather talk to? Mark Trail, or a cute little chipmunk? The choice is clear.” –Victor Von

“I’m not sure what Mary is serving Toby, but based on the paleness of the contents of both bowl and pitcher, Mary has taken that old adage to heart: If life gives you a bowl of peeled boiled potatoes, make potato-ade.” –Perky Bird

“I was going to say that the scene in A3G seems awfully jovial for a ‘my boyfriend’s corpse is in an unrecoverable location on the other side of the world’ party, but I suppose it’s not as big a deal as it sounds: as a Buddhist, Eric will be reincarnated, and as a male character in A3G, no one will notice a difference.” –Rachel K

“A medieval city with Gothic architecture and cobblestone streets? No wonder Toby and the professor fell in love all over again — it reminded them of a time when a homely but prominent old man could steal away a child bride and no one would think twice.” -BigTed

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Cathy, 8/24/09

For most of mid-August, Cathy revolved around Irving’s Facebook-inspired loathing of his current haircut, followed by his intense anxiety about switching hairdressers, so his studied nonchalance upon actually getting a new ’do is deeply irritating, matched in that regard only by everything else that’s happened in Cathy ever. Fortunately, in the final panel, it appears that our put-upon stylist is planning to behead her annoying customer with her clippers.

Dick Tracy, 8/24/09

I’m pretty curious about the conversation that led up to today’s first panel of Dick Tracy, in which the creepy Mr. Pops attempts to explain to Dick the rudiments of his job description. “So, Mr. Pops, I noticed that when you and your similarly dressed cohorts were performing, the audience members’ mouths were pulled up at the corners, and they were expelling air from their lungs in a series of short, staccato bursts that sounded like ‘ha, ha’. More troubling still, in those moments they appeared to not be consumed by thoughts of torture and death. What sort of diabolical scheme is this?”

Slylock Fox, 8/24/09

This may be the first Slylock Fox mystery strip I’ve seen in which two humans interact with each other, and I’ve got to say that I find it very disturbing that Slylock is there to protect the property rights of a man who sells animals for a living. Despite all of his nosey police work, Slylock appears to be nothing more than an vulpine Uncle Tom, happy to buttress the institutions that enslave his fellow beasts! For shame, sir!

Also, seeing as Slick Smitty must be freakishly strong to be able to hold up a bag of water more than three feet in diameter, I certainly hope that Slylock’s human overlords trust him enough to arm him, or else this could get ugly.

Mary Worth, 8/24/09

“…but then Ian said something pompous that irritated some drunken hooligans, so, long story short, he got stabbed to death. Hey, is Charley Smith still single?”

Sigh. Sorry, Scotland, I don’t mean to make cruel jokes about your reputation as Britain’s knifecrime capital. It’s just that, while a Charterstone pool party is usually a happy occasion to me, the one getting underway here can only be a source of sadness, as it marks the definitive and anticlimactic end of the Charley-Delilah-Lawrence storyline, which was once so promising. Sure, we’ll always have that deliriously wonderful week in Charley’s love pad, but I can’t help but think that the strip could have reached even greater heights of entertaining insanity. Would Ian’s cruel, violent death at the hands of junk-sick thugs alleviate my ennui? Well, maybe a little.

Hi and Lois, 8/24/09

Speaking of Scotland, today’s Hi and Lois offers a particularly pathetic look into Hi’s inner life. Sure, it’s only natural that a guy would want to ditch out on his wife and family to go play golf among the stab-happy Scots — I mean, how can wives and families ever match up with golf, right? However, it appears that Hi’s reverie consists not of him actually taking a golf vacation, but rather of him telling his layabout neighbor that he wishes he could take a golf vacation. It’s a sad day when your fantasy life consists of turning down opportunities that really aren’t even that exciting in the first place.