Archive: Mary Worth

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Crock, 7/6/09

When you have a narrative form like a syndicated comic strip that runs on and on for decades, there are some interesting results. For instance, there may be features of your strip’s universe that made some sort of sense, or were at least explained, at the time of their introduction, but which have either slowly mutated with time or had all knowledge of their significance lost, and whose existence today is taken as a given by all concerned despite their baffling nature. Take, for instance, today’s Crock. Obviously the presence of tiny hotboxes just outside the Legion’s fort, in which prisoners condemned for some forgotten crime sit hunched over day after day for years, slowly going mad from the hot sun and the isolation, is easily parsed. But why exactly are the sides of these portable torture chambers marked with giant keyholes? Wouldn’t the key required to operate such a lock be over three feet long? Wouldn’t the mechanism for such a lock intrude onto the prisoner’s already miniscule living space? Is it perhaps not a real lock at all, but just some sort of symbol of the State’s ability to imprison on a whim, and indefinitely? Perhaps this reminds the cook of his complicity in the workings of this monstrous dictatorship, which would explain his otherwise baffling anger at having to walk approximately five feet outside to dump some greyish glop into the prisoner’s bowl.

Gil Thorp, 7/6/09

Oh, Gil, if you’re going to openly acknowledge what I asserted last week — that summertime is for wackiness in Gil Thorp — then you’d better be prepared to follow through on your promise, or you’ll just break my heart all the more. Gil having lunch with vintage clothing aficionado and former teen hobo Ted Pearse is a good start; having some kind of gangland shooting happen right outside the Thorps’ front door (involving Marty Moon? please?) is even better.

Mary Worth, 7/6/09

You know, every once in a while even Mary Worth can surprise me. For instance, yesterday I could have only thought of two possible outcomes to Mary’s weeks-long attempt to browbeat Delilah back into her loveless marriage: acquiescence or suicide. Never did I imagine that she had the strength of will to shrug off the onslaught, put on her sexiest/most insane halter top-yellow fishnets combo, and go cruising the Charterstone grounds for all her ex-boyfriends, determined to rip their stripey shirts off and have her way with them right there on the concrete (which is already cracking only a few years after it was poured, thanks to Mary’s insistence that they go with the lowest bidder). Mary looks like she’s having a stroke in the second panel, and why wouldn’t she: she’s discovered someone immune to her meddling powers! I’m surprised she isn’t just melting into a puddle.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/1/09

Ho ho, it looks like this new RMMD plot will be about the adventures of Peter the Sex Chameleon! Currently, he’s blond-headed and white-suited, the better to match the fair complexion of his wife. But when we saw him attempting to bust a move on a sexy nutritionist on Monday, he had brown hair and a blue coat! My guess is that his hair and suit were fully black as he attempted to woo his raven-haired co-worker; when Becka surprised him, he began to color-shift involuntarily, and we caught him at a transitional stage.

Mark Trail, 7/1/09

It’s a sad but all too common story: man loses money gambling, man redirects waste disposal budget to his casino account, man hires lowest bidder to dump toxic barrels in nature preserve. Of course, Mark will have no sympathy for the gentleman; not only are his environmental misdeeds unforgivable, but Mark holds deeply Manichaean view of the world, in which everyone and everything is neatly divided into good (clean-cut, clean-shaven) and evil (beard, sideburns, and/or shaggy hair), so games of chance and probability enrage him into a distinctly punchy mood.

Mary Worth, 7/1/09

As she did with Lynn the skater who didn’t want to skate anymore, Mary is teaching Delilah that the greatest pleasure comes from ignoring and suppressing one’s own desires to fulfill the needs of others. The young lady is resisting, but she’s already begun to come around; in panel two, she’s finally acceded to Mary’s request and started wearing a drool cup instead of just dribbling defiantly all over the tablecloth.

Marvin, 7/1/09

So, if the choices are Marvin peeing everywhere or dogs talking wistfully about their castration, which do you prefer? Would dogs peeing everywhere have been a more palatable middle ground? Discuss.

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Rex Morgan, M.D. 6/29/09

Rex Morgan, M.D.’s narrative lens has blessedly chosen to avert its gaze from June and Rex’s sure-to-be-awkward attempts to make a baby, which, I assume, means that we have arrived at the beginning of an EXCITING NEW ADVENTURE! Involving, uh, Becka, I guess; I mostly forgot who she was, but I think she’s a nurse at Rex and June’s practice (you might remember her helping June prepare for the MRSApocalypse). Anyway, she’s married to … Peter, it appears, whom I’m pretty sure I have no idea who that is, and who appears to be skulking about Sector T5 with sexy nutritionist Estelle Kirkland! What could these two be up to? Nutrition? Adultery? Adultery, followed by nutritious meals? Stay tuned!

Mary Worth, 6/29/09

Mary’s increasing desperation at her failed attempt to bludgeon Delilah back into her doomed marriage has been rather transparent. Nevertheless, Mary, that’s no excuse for pointing so rudely. Delilah may not be able to see it, but we can, and I for one am quite offended. It makes me want to refuse to join Lord Kitchener’s Army, which, having defeated the Hun, is apparently to be deployed to restore the magical Delilah-Lawrence romance back to its rightful unity, despite what the actual parties involved want.

Shoe, 6/29/09

Specifically, on someone who actually has hair — a mammal, say.

Pluggers, 6/29/09

Pluggers are sick of all this wasteful government spending. When will Congress allocate funds to something truly useful, like helping pluggers poop?