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Mary Worth, 10/29/06

TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK! TOMMY’S COMING BACK!

Oh, let’s bask in the anticipatory Tommyness, shall we?

As noted, if you’re not already familiar with the gospel of Tommy, now’s the time to get ready for the hijinks. Start here and work your way forward chronologically.

Anyway, based on the sub-Crossing Over with John Edward chicanery on display here, I’m going to guess that Ella is not actually a psychic, but is a one of Tommy’s friends from the joint in drag, pulling some kind of scam over on dear old mom. It’s all going to end in tears and recriminations and basement meth lab explosions. I’m a very happy man.

Family Circus, 10/29/06

The sequence of dialog is important here. “If people see you they’ll know who we are!” “And we’ll miss out on any extra candy!” So, you give more candy to total strangers than to kids that you know? There’s only one possible explanation: Their neighbors hate them as much as we do.

Judge Parker, 10/29/06

Raju: Scholar. International traveller. Wrestling nutritionist. Renaissance man. Cockblocker.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/06

Poor White Trash Momma; she looks so hurt in the last panel. It’s like she was excited about finally actually using her chemistry degree and now Nikki just made it seem so dirty. Some lab safety advice, dear: you might want to get a longer shirt, because when the makeshift equipment explodes (as it almost certainly will), you’re going to want to have as little exposed flesh as possible.

It’s about time that Rex Morgan tackled the meth epidemic sweeping across the lower economic strata of America. Despite this strip’s attempt to engage with cutting-edge social problems, it was beaten to that particular punch by more than two years by Mary Worth of all things. And speaking of that, can we please, please, please count on this fellow being WTM’s boss?

If you’re tragically unfamiliar with Tommy the Tweaker — surely one of the greatest Mary Worth characters in living memory — start here and work your way forward.

Dennis the Menace, 10/27/06

The thing that really bothers me about this panel is the single bead of sweat on Mr. Wilson’s forehead. I’m pretty sure this is his last moment of sanity before he snaps into a child-murdering rage.

Mary Worth, 10/27/06

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Ella is wasting no time in getting busy with the local ladies. First stop: Iris Beedle, mother to the aforementioned Tommy and, improbably, girlfriend to Commandante Combover, who’s strolling rather smugly about six feet in front of her. Iris’ dating history indicates that she’s generally been of the heterosexual persuasion, but a relationship with Wilbur would probably be enough to turn anybody off men forever, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that she’s eager to take a detour to “discover” things “about each other” with a total stranger without even bothering to say goodbye to her boyfriend.

Perhaps the first sign of Iris’ disenchantment with Wilbur is that she’s stopped dying her hair. Ella loves you just the way you are, dear: a nice brunette in purple pants.

Judge Parker, 10/27/06

Everybody had State College Bobby down as a threat to poor Raju, but here he’s showing off his cultural sensitivity as he stands up to Shiny-Headed Mohawk Man. Sadly for him, though, there are, in fact, people from India who belong to tribes, but it’s the thought that counts.

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Apartment 3-G, 10/26/06

%$(^, that is one #)(%&ing angry brunette. Everyone’s going to be marveling at Tommie’s massive head bobble in panel three, which makes it look like she’s a Victorian governess who’s never, ever heard a swear word before, but the motion lines I’m more interested in are radiating from Margo’s clenched fist in panel one. This chick looks like she’s about to haul off and punch somebody — somebody like Eric Mills, or, if he’s not available, his niece.

Who knew that being a party planner for the rich and capricious was so stressful? First it was peacocks running amok, now she can’t get her client on the phone when she’s at the crucial point in her delicate negotiations with the Kidz Bop Kids. Considering the fact that her last big event never happened, and this one is heading in the same direction, I do hope that Margo bills by the hour, and once a week.

Gasoline Alley, 10/26/06

Speaking of women who look to be on the threshold of fisticuffs, check out the numb, wide-eyed expression on Clovia’s face in panel three here. Clovia has been on the verge of snapping for about the entire time I’ve been reading this strip, largely due to her husband’s complete lack of redeeming qualities. Once the killing spree begins, it’s only going to start with Slim. Note the difference in technique: while Margo is going for the classic knuckle sandwich, Clovia has her index knuckle somewhat extended, as if her first objective will be to gouge out an eye.

Mary Worth, 10/26/06

Real comics aficionados aren’t fooled by this “Ella” business; that’s clearly beloved Doonesbury character Lacey Davenport!

Some of you might be saying, “But Josh, Lacey died in 1998!” Well, duh. Since she’s deceased, she can be summoned up by the God of Comics and sent into various strips as a sort of troubleshooter to solve problems and right wrongs. This explains why she doesn’t even know why she’s moving into this well-appointed condo complex: the God of Comics likes to reveal His intentions a little bit after the scene has been set, just like Charlie’s Angels’ Charlie. But I don’t think I need to explain to you what grievous recent wrong needs to be avenged in this feature. I think the stage is being set for one of the most titanic Battles of the Biddies that the comics has ever seen. That squirrel is getting out while the getting’s good.

Dennis the Menace, 10/26/06

“Don’t you remember, mom? He was saying stuff like … ‘This sham of a marriage is killing me’ … ‘You and your little brat can rot at the Gap for the rest of your life for all I care’ … ‘You’ll be hearing from my lawyer’ … ‘Thank God the house is in my name’…”

Seriously, who doesn’t remember how they got to the mall? Who gets dropped off at the mall without a plan for how they’re going to get home? Is Mrs. the Menace high? She looks kind of high to me.