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Herb and Jamaal, 5/8/08

Thank goodness Herb and Jamaal is at last casting its penetrating eye on our political process, using its typical rhetorical strategy of making sure that nobody and nothing is mentioned by name, or with any identifying features of any kind. “CANDIDATES MAKE NEW PROMISES!” Heavens to murgatroid! What won’t these slimy politicians do to achieve elected office of some sort? They probably also “EXPLAIN POLICIES” and “ATTACK OPPONENTS!” They’d better watch out, though, because they might get “EMBROILED IN SCANDAL” or “QUESTIONED ON CONTROVERSY!”

Actually, you know what? That’s pretty much how most of political coverage in the newspaper really goes. Now I’m depressed.

Dennis the Menace, 5/8/08

So, will Dennis “disappear” in the sense of “sold to some shady Albanian businessmen and end up cleaning toilets in a mansion in Dubai?” Or in the sense of “entombed in concrete and dumped into the resevoir?” Alice’s face seems to indicate a certain detached curiosity, but little else.

Momma, 5/8/08

I’m not sure what the little dots in front of Francis’s half-crossed eyes in panel two are supposed to represent, but I think Momma may have just punched him in the face.

Pluggers, 5/8/08

Some kind of meat … little salty … tastes a little like chick–OH MY GOD HAROLD OH MY GOD

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Momma, 3/28/08

Generally, I’m willing to let slide the fact that Momma’s title character is depicted as being roughly two feet tall; I chalk it up to artistic license, perhaps meant to metaphorically reflect the deep-seated feelings of personal inadequacies that drive her to her awful control-freakish extremes. But it’s harder to think of it that way when one of her normal-sized children, no doubt tired of waiting for her to toddle on her stumpy legs to Danny’s Place, simply picks her up and carries her. On the bright side, she probably weighs less than thirty pounds, so it won’t cost very much to get her good and drunk.

(Actually, Francis apparently just likes carrying inappropriate people to bars.)

Mary Worth, 3/28/08

That’s it? That’s the big flashback? Little Mary was poor, and her friend’s family was nice to her once, and then her mother remarried and all her problems were over? That’s crap. I’m disappointed in the strip, obviously, but I’m really mostly disappointed in myself, for thinking that this could be cool. As ever, I need to ratchet my expectations far downward.

It’s possible that this flashback has just served to set up the real story. Maybe in the present the older Cathy is down and out, and Mary will finally get to repay her parents’ kindness! Maybe she’ll have to journey to the hellscape that is the Downtown Women’s Shelter! Maybe … oh, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?

Shoe, 3/28/08

I have to admit that I laughed unironically at Shoe’s completely absurd punchline today. Kids, this is why you don’t want to strike up conversations with random old people! They’re demented, and many of them are angry!

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The Lockhorns and Marvin, 3/17/08

Usually, St. Patrick’s Day is considered a festive occasion, a celebration of Irish heritage, the extermination of paganism, and binge drinking. But two cartoons dared to use the day to explore the holiday’s darker side. For instance, what’s the origin of the myth of the leprechaun? Folklore experts will tell you that they’re the memory of the gods the Irish worshiped before St. Patrick came and made them all Christians, but the Lockhorns seems to indicate that perhaps their supposed gold-hoarding ways are a product of pure desperation. Loretta, staring glumly at the small piece of paper that says so much about financial ruin and public shame and prison, is so desperate for a way out that she latches onto the idea of tiny, imaginary spirit beings that can solve all their problems. Leroy, just as glum but still in touch with reality, can only look on in pained silence.

Meanwhile, an unimpressed Marvin has actually encountered one of the little Celtic sprites in the flesh, and boy, is he ever failing to live up to their reputation as adorable, happy-go-lucky creatures. His elfin visage instead tells a tale of depression and despair. I’m not sure if he never emotionally recovered from watching thousands of his countrymen die during the Hunger, while he, immortal and half-forgotten, could do nothing, or if he was interned for years without trial at Long Kesh by the Brits as a suspected IRA man, but he looks like he’s about to slit his tiny, pixie-like wrists.

Dick Tracy, 3/17/08

Man, it’s too bad that goth kids don’t as a rule read Dick Tracy, because “So you think I’m ugly? What’s really ugly is you for not knowing the world is spinning into degradation” would make a sweet yearbook quote.

Momma, 3/17/08

I’m pretty sure that Momma and her friend are having a thinly veiled discussion about their sons’ penises.