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Dennis the Menace, 3/27/14

You know, I make jokey-jokes about the relative menace level in various Dennis the Menace cartoons but this … this is genuinely disturbing. “Mrs. Mitchell, your son displays great leadership, to the extent that he convinces other children to do things that are in violation of school rules and that sometimes even threathen their own safety. It’s almost as if he’s been building a sort of ‘cult’ among the student body, based largely on his own personality. After a series of violent incidents, we’ve begun isolating him from other students for most of the school day, but there’s been a new unsettling development: we can’t leave an individual teacher to guard him for too long, because if we do, we eventually find them dazed and glassy-eyed, with the door open and Dennis long gone. Anyway, long story short, your son is in a cage made of a special nonconducting alloy right now, and we recommend that you neither look directly at him nor listen to him speak for more than 45 seconds or so.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 3/27/14

I know I don’t talk about Mother Goose and Grimm very often, but hey, here’s today’s Mother Goose and Grimm! It’s about how Pinocchio wants to fuck a piano.

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Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/9/13

Pluggers: Origins

Spider-Man, 8/9/13

At last, the Tarantula has arrived! And he’s right — it’s always a comedown for Spider-Man when a real superhero shows up.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/9/13

Oh gosh: not only is Ginny being forced to wed the least-desirable feller in Hootin’ Holler, but he expects an arch-conservative marriage including wifely submission. Everyone who has ever met a Hootin’ Holler feller — or gal — finds this hilarious.

Momma, 8/9/13

Francis got promoted to “Dirt”! Those years spent toiling as “Assistant Dirt” really paid off!

Mary Worth, 8/9/13

Adding Mary Worth to your “sharing circle” is like inviting a wolf pack to your all-you-can-eat buffet.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Herb and Jamaal, 7/12/13

Herb’s mother-in-law is a fallen angel, cast out of Heaven after she and her evil confederates attempted to rebel against the Almighty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/12/13

The introduction of flatlander science into Hootin’ Holler could have radical implications for the lives of the community’s inhabitants, which is why Maddy’s boy will probably be burned at the stake by the end of the week.

Dick Tracy, 7/12/13

“I know cigarette smoke could really irritate a throat injury, Dick, so just say something if you don’t want me to light up. No? Nothing? I’ll just take your silence as permission!”

Blondie, 7/12/13

It’s kind of sad when your real name is more embarrassing than “Pastrami Guy.”

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/12/13

Grimm would like to “take a personal day,” for sex.