Archive: Phantom

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Gil Thorp, 6/27/23

Oh wow, it looks like the WOKE FCC won’t let America’s millions of high school sports fans hear fraught language or see a father-son relationship fall apart, with devastating emotional effects that will leave both parties wounded for years, THANKS A LOT PRESIDENT BRANDON

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/27/23

Good lord, I thought Snuffy knowing common French phrases was bad, but I absolutely cannot abide by Hootin’ Holler’s citizenry acting as if they all accept the germ theory of disease.

The Phantom, 6/27/23

Savarna and Wilbur: The superstar teamup we didn’t know we needed!

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Marvin, 6/26/23

“Because you said it in front of him in English, a language he absolutely speaks and understands! Yeah, I know, he’s a baby, or maybe a toddler, or maybe a four-year-old who isn’t potty trained, and sometimes he uses thought balloons and sometimes speech balloons. Nobody really can explain what’s going on. Anyway, it’s a good thing we don’t seem to be required to do a ‘joke’ of any sort here. Egg shortage ended a while ago, incidentally.”

Beetle Bailey, 6/26/23

Look, I’m as glad as anyone to say good-bye to my mid-to-late ’00s vogue for “ho ho, what if Beetle and Sarge were … FUCKING … in a kinky way” jokes, but I do appreciate that they still take the time to antagonistically flirt with one another now and then.

The Phantom, 6/26/23

Believe it or not, The Phantom is still years deep into this “the Phantom springs Savarna from prison … and the consequences may be catastrophic” storyline and I don’t feel a need to keep you updated on the details, but I do need to point out that CHHFROOSH! is a top-tier sound effect that we all need to recognize and respect.

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Hi and Lois, 5/14/23

This is truly one of the wildest throwaway panels I’ve ever seen. Readers of space-constrained newspapers are just getting a classic Mother’s Day strip about how a mom’s work is truly the hardest of all, but those whose comics pages have room to spare know that just moments before he and the kids got assigned a bunch of chores, Hi thought that he was going to get a chance to give Lois a very special Mother’s Day gift (sex, with him).

Mary Worth, 5/14/23

OK, look, you have to approach today’s Mary Worth not in the context of this blog, where I’ve been making off-color jokes about the strip for going on 19 years now, but in the context of Mary Worth, the soap opera comic strip, one of the squarest forms of media ever created, and in that context the panel here where Mary says, in so many words, that Estelle thinks the sex with Dr. Ed is a lot better than the sex with Wilbur ever was, is positively pornographic.

The Phantom, 5/14/23

Way back in 2005, the Phantom had his Bandar henchmen erase the memory of a young woman who had inconveniently fallen in love with him using “Bandar medicine.” Anyway, turns out this practice, in addition to being obviously unethical in a number of ways, also doesn’t really work! Whoopsie! Awkward!