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Pluggers, 7/7/06

OK, now I’m starting to get freaked out. Twice is a coincidence, but three times is pretty damn peculiar.

For Better Or For Worse, 7/7/06

Gosh, Elizabeth, that sounds like quite a lot of things to do! But it’s understandable that you’d be so busy when you’re switching jobs and moving all at once. That can be pretty stressful. At least you have a stable relationship you can rely on for emotional support. Say, what was that first thing you said you had to do again?

Wait, I didn’t quite catch that … where are you getting your car?

Good ol’ Gordo! I wonder whose happy, smiling, perky face you’ll see at the cappuccino bar while Gordon’s looking up the prices for the undercoating?

Been nice knowing you, Paul.

Mary Worth, 7/7/06

Speaking of sad sacks with mustaches, I give you … Aldo Kelrast! Whose last name is, as many Jumble aficionados in the comments pointed out, an anagram for stalker. And whose chest hair is on proud display. This would be acceptable if he was sporting some colorful ethnic garment from the Mediterranean, but a off-red polo shirt? Squaresville.

The Phantom, 7/6-7/06

OK, I had to back up a day to show you the awesome set-up for the Big Purple Dude’s two-panel-long slapathon. He has to psych himself up, thought-balloon-style, in order to not punch someone. These two strips also showcase two of the Ghost Who Slaps’ special powers: his super-scary voice and his awesome stripey ass.

Dennis the Menace, 7/7/06

Then it’d be a Plugger library! Haw haw! OK, that was just mean.

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The Phantom, 7/1/06

“What’s he up to?” Well, if I had to guess, O Ghost Who Overthinks Things, I’d have to say that he’s planning to get into his helicopter gunship and machine-gun you to death from the air, where you can’t punch him. He’s just narrating his schemes aloud like any other comic-book villain; there’s no reason to dig deeper.

What exactly his that weird flap of skin between Chatu’s left arm and ripped torso? Did he lose a lot of weight recently? Is this whole escapade an attempt to get enough cash to afford cosmetic surgery?

Spider-Man, 7/1/06

First, Spidey accuses Narna of attempted murder. Now he’s downgraded his suspicions to vandalism. Pretty soon he’s going to battle her to stop her from thinking negative thoughts about his wife.

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Apartment 3-G, 6/15/06

Yeah, cause the guy I want to get my art criticism from is the clean-cut white guy who shows up at the hipster Manhattan art opening in a bad electric blue three-piece suit.

Is that what this storyline is going to be about? That when artists hang out with beatniks and bohemians their art goes to crap in the eyes of squares like Squarey McCleancut here and, well, Lu Ann? Because that’s going to be frickin’ hilarious.

The Phantom, 6/15/06

Not to minimize the Phantom’s sneaking-up-on-bad-guys skills, but this is pretty clearly the lamest group of terrorists in the history of terrorism. “Waaaaah! Waaaaah! They don’t have the desert I like! Boo hoo!” What’s next — is the big purple guy going to interrupt two guards as they fight over who gets the special pillow?

That being said, the Phantom’s witty comeback — “Guess that puts us in conflict!” — is pretty stilted as superhero catchphrases go. I think he should just stick to punching people.

Crankshaft, 6/15/06

So as soon as I figured out that yes, the current Crankshaft storyline really does involve Crankshaft enslaving a group of old ladies to do his gardening, I started really enjoying it. Check out the look of remorseless cruelty on the old bastard’s face in the second panel, and the look of sheer terror on the old lady furthest to the right. Yessir, that’s light-hearted comics page fare right there. Yep.