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Spider-Man, 8/22/13

“What, you’d rather have our fall gradually slowed by air pressure against a large parachute, when we could just have our arms violently wrenched out of their sockets when I latch onto a building with a single strand of webbing? You’ve been reading too many physics books, old buddy!”

Apartment 3-G, 8/22/13

Hey, remember Marty, Lu Ann’s socially awkward art student whose dad has PTSD and a brain tumor and is also destined to be Lu Ann’s doomed love interest? Well, she has a bad girl friend! You can tell she’s bad because she has a bizarre, asymmetrical haircut. What can you expect from a girl who asymmetrical hair? Tobacco cigarette use, that’s what you can expect!

Pluggers, 8/22/13

Pluggers’ bodies are so full of cholesterol and preservatives that sexual arousal is completely out of the question, really.

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Judge Parker, 8/21/13

Hey, there’s this whole other plot going in Judge Parker that I had completely forgotten about, involving Neddy’s new friend’s husband maybe being kidnapped and held for ransom in Niger, or maybe it’s an elaborate grift to get money out of the Spencer-Driver coffers, who knows! I am very enamored with Abbey’s look of vague disgust in the final panel. “20,000 euro? That’s really all you can come up with? I’m pretty sure we’ve got more than that in our couch cushions. Ugh, dealing with poor people is so distasteful, I don’t know how you people live.”

Pluggers, 8/21/13

SERIOUSLY PLUGGERS YOU HAVE A LOT OF NON-DOG-MAN CHARACTERS YOU COULD’VE USED FOR THIS JOKE IT’S LIKE YOU’RE TRYING TO CONFUSE US

Heathcliff, 8/21/13

Heathcliff’s neighbor is racist against hippos.

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Mark Trail, 8/19/13

Oh my goodness you guys, Rusty dreams of dinosaurs! (I sneer at your pedantic “pterosaurs aren’t technically dinosaurs” gripe, Rusty and Mark were talking about dinosaurs all week and you know we’re going to get some.) While this will provide lots of opportunities for awesome dinosaur drawings, it also provides Mark with an opportunity to abandon his hideous ward in the woods, as you’ll note that Rusty has just dozed off on the ground without Mark being anywhere nearby. Looks like that fishing trip was just a last hurrah, or, more likely, an excuse to take Rusty so far away from home that he’ll never find his way back!

Funky Winkerbean, 8/19/13

This is a pretty textbook example of how things go down in a Funky Winkerbean 3.0 strip. The dialogue could be construed as a little light-hearted joking, but the grim facial expressions show that in fact everything is meant to be taken in deadly earnest. “No, really, the football team is terrible, and there’s literally no chance of it getting any better. Certainly not with me in charge of it. I’m the worst!”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/19/13

Dang, Snuffy’s reputation precedes him … his reputation as a man who steals chickens so he can dismember and eat them. Ha ha, it’s funny that the chickens are afraid of Snuffy, because they don’t want to die!

Pluggers, 8/19/13

Pluggers just have to poop all the time.