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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/19/12

Uh-oh, in her sad and futile attempt to finally get ahead of Rex in their ongoing dickishness contest, June has gone a little off-script when it comes to her more immediate task, namely keeping Iris off the sauce. “Hey, Iris, you sure look pretty in that funeral dress! Good thing, too, since you need to wear it all the time, seeing as everyone you ever loved keeps dying. It doesn’t show off your rack to the same advantage that mine does, of course, but then what would, right?”

Spider-Man, 5/19/12

Thanks, Newspaper Spider-Man, for neatly encapsulating your narrative philosophy for new readers. “I don’t need any amazing, exciting powers beyond those of ordinary humans to dislike that creep! Sullen, baseless jealousy will be the engine of this plot, not a superheroic battle to save mankind!”

Pluggers, 5/19/12

An archaic, failing bureaucracy is pretty much the only thing tethering pluggers to the mainstream of human society, and once that tether snaps, things are gonna get real depressing real quick.

Mary Worth, 5/19/12

The sad thing about the awkward, violent gesture in panel one is that Wilbur thinks it’s a hug.

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Curtis, 4/24/12

Whatever issues I have with Curtis’s repetitive and corny jokes (and I have many issues with them), I’ve always been a fan of the strip’s incidental details. The posters hanging up in Curtis’s room are generally good for a laugh, whether they’re extolling rap as an abstract concept or hot new rap groups like Nuns with Guns. Today we see that Curtis’s genre classifications have gotten more sophisticated (he’s traded in his RAP posted for a HIP-HOP poster), but really what tickles me is that he has a giant, textless picture of a triple-decker hamburger hanging on his wall. It’s the sort of thing Dagwood Bumstead would own, if he had any authority over his home’s decor.

Apartment 3-G, 4/24/12

If anyone wonders why I always think Margo is the best: This is why Margo is the best! Most of us, if caught drunkenly making out with a pregnant friend’s spouse, would at least offer some kind of half-assed apology. But that’s not Margo’s style. Margo’s style is boozily slurring “No … you’re out of line!” at her friend instead.

Pluggers, 4/24/12

Elitist Neapolitan ice cream reminds pluggers of the two things they hate the most: immigrants and race-mixing.

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Pluggers, 4/8/12

Happy Easter, everybody! Did you ever have warm feelings towards the Easter Bunny, that lovable fertility symbol turned Easter mascot? Well, prepare to have those completely washed away now that you see him for what he really is: just another plugger, with his eggs stacked haphazardly in the back of his beat up pick-up truck, just stone cold flying out all over the highway, so what if some of those baskets come in a little light, he’s not paid enough to care, those little squallers can kiss his furry ass, you know what I’m saying?

Judge Parker, 4/8/12

Haha, yet another Judge Parker storyline has ended in lucrative rewards for one of the strip’s main characters, who did nothing to deserve it! Last time around Judge Parker Emeritus gained the fawning love of millions for accidentally falling off a building; this time it’s April, who got a couple of Mercedeses from her Saudi prince friend as a way of apologizing for the ways in which his vast polygamous family’s internal politics inconvenienced her. Oh, also, he probably had one of his daughters-in-law executed, but the important thing here is that April and Randy will be tooling around in shiny new cars, huzzah!