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Crock, 6/26/11

I was going to make some snide comment that the Legion really doesn’t need particularly smart people to undertake its primary task of brutal colonial oppression, but then I realized that, quite honestly, we never see much oppression going on in Crock, just a lot of marching around the deserts nowhere near major population centers. I suppose the people locked up in hotboxes and/or the “bandits” and “spies” with which Crock’s crew occasionally skirmishes might be freedom fighters? But still, the point is that this company of soldiers seems to be doing nothing of value, at (despite Crock’s cost-containment measures) considerable expense to the French taxpayer. Bring the boys home!

Pluggers, 6/26/11

Note that the throwaway panel goes out of its way to establish that today’s protagonist is a proud patriot before showing us that he’s also a lazy bum. Why does Pluggers hate America?

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Mary Worth, 6/24/11

Mary Worth continues to prove that just because you have no understanding of the ways humans think and feel and act doesn’t mean that you can’t try to heal their emotional pain! Did you experience a moment of life-shattering public humiliation and emotional trauma? Eh, just try remembering it differently, maybe you’ll feel better. Have you become sexually obsessed with someone who doesn’t reciprocate? Probably it’s because you hate your job! Sure, that totally makes sense.

Jumble, 6/24/11

Kudos to Jumble Jeff for taking the time to meticulously depict both of these fictional bears in their native garments (though I’m assuming he also deserves blame for the unspeakable pun that is the puzzle’s answer). For many years I’ve found Smokey Bear’s habit of wearing jeans and a hat but no shirt deeply unsettling. I mean, if he weren’t wearing any clothes at all, that’d be one thing — he’s a bear, it’s natural enough — but wearing pants means that he casually performs his ranger duties topless, which is a little weird. Not until this moment, however, had I considered the full-on obscenity of Yogi Bear, who wears a hat and a collar and a tie and nothing else. Is he some kind of ursine Chippendale?

I’m also a little unsettled by this apparent superstar team-up between straight-arrow Smokey and known criminal Yogi. Do you think Smokey’s co-worker Ranger Smith feels hurt by this? I imagine that Smokey believes that he’ll teach Yogi about agriculture and that will stop the constant pic-a-nic basket theft. He’s going to be pretty disappointed.

Ziggy, 6/24/11

Ha ha, Ziggy doesn’t understand that in fancy finance talk “buying debt” just means “lending money.” Anyway, long story short, some mid-level member of the Chinese Communist Party is going to be the proud owner of Ziggy’s kidneys real soon now.

Pluggers, 6/24/11

Wait, can pluggers swear? I … I don’t think pluggers can swear. Pluggers complain about other people swearing. Young people. With the hip-hop music. And the baggy pants. And yet here’s a cuss, plain as day. I have to go lie down now.

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Gil Thorp, 6/15/11

Do you guys realize that we’re halfway through June and aren’t even close to finding out how the Milford baseball or softball teams are doing, let alone getting ramped up for the Gil Thorp summer insanity that we’ve been denied for the past few years but that’s going to happen this year, I just know it? Instead, the predictable teachers vs. sinister budget-slashing school-board lunatic storyline is rumbling to a predictable conclusion, with protest singer Al-Jo finally discovering that she’s got something to protest. What I find much more interesting is the fact that the strip creators are themselves apparently so bored with the proceedings that they’ve turned to a fractured narrative chronology to liven things up a bit. How did the dude who’s crushing on Al-Jo and whose name I refuse to even try to remember secure that stage and PA system? Let’s have a lightning-fast one-panel flashback to find out! Aaaand then back to the present. This is art, people.

Pluggers, 6/15/11

Pluggers take their mistresses to shitty fast food restaurants, so you can imagine how cheap and depressing their nights out with their wives are.