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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/11/24

As a guy who was once a kid who was picked on as kind of a weirdo myself, I am, of course, pulling for Parker. They seem smart and have a oddball sense of humor that will serve them much better as an adult than a tween. But I don’t think Buck is the guy who should be delivering this message. Buck is perhaps the most eminently bullyable character in Rex Morgan, M.D., and I don’t think holding him up as the future Parker has to look forward to is reassuring at all. I guess he’s supposed to be living proof that it does in fact get better, because if this guy is out there every day representing roots country stars and retired horror comics artists and isn’t getting his head shoved into a toilet on the regular, adulthood really must be free of bullies once and for all, you know?

Marvin, 7/11/24

Look, it’s not my fault that this piss-obsessed strip leans on the “Ha ha, a fire hydrant is like a toilet, to a dog” bit! Because now they’ve included a fire hydrant in this non-piss-related strip and all I can think of is that the equivalent with people would be two people standing next to a toilet with no explanation. Are they about to piss? Did they just finish pissing? Did they, or are they about to, piss at the same time? This strip has poisoned my mind, I tell you! Poisoned it!

Pluggers, 7/11/24

Pluggers don’t know where they are or what time of day it is or what’s happening to or around them and, real talk: God, I wish that was me. They seem pretty chill about it!

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Mary Worth, 7/3/24

Do you, Jeff? Do you know what’s like to go through a rough patch? Because I’ve been reading this strip for a while, and as near as I can tell the Dr. Jeff Corey Emotional Spectrum mostly ranges from “wry amusement” to “mild annoyance.” Whenever truly powerful emotions make an appearance — an urge to be of service, say, or rising panic as your sinuses begin to clog — you simply flee the area (to Vietnam and away from Mary’s cat-dander-filled apartment, respectively). And this is, frankly, how Mary likes it! Wilbur may be OK as a “quirky good friend,” but when it comes to sort-of-boyfriends, our gal demands an even keel and does not want to have her Bum Boat dinners interrupted by a lot of “feelings.”

Pluggers, 7/3/24

Now, probably you’re expecting me to try to figure out whether the point of this joke is “pluggers don’t take Viagra because, despite their age, their erections are still firm and vigorous” or “pluggers don’t take Viagra because nobody wants to have sex with them.” But, nope! That’s not an angle I care to explore. Sorry to disappoint! No, I have a different complaint. I take levothyroxine daily, as it happens; I’m not even sad that this gives me something in common with pluggers, because not long after I was diagnosed with a hypoactive thyroid, we found out that Mary Worth’s Iris had a similar ailment, so frankly nothing can hurt me in that regard. But why is this plugger’s levothyroxine blue? Mine is just boring white. Do I not deserve a little splash of color in my morning? Should a plugger live a more aesthetic life than I do?

Gasoline Alley, 7/3/24

I really appreciate the visual storytelling here. As this tree guy says “$7,000,” he’s pointing to the part of his estimate where “$7,000” has been helpfully printed in a large, bold font, which tells us that not only is Walt’s hearing aid acting up, but he needs a new glasses prescription as well.

Family Circus, 7/3/24

Over the years of doing this blog, the strip I’ve gained the most respect for is the Family Circus. The stereotype is that it’s all panels of kids saying the darnedest things that old people lovingly cut out of the paper and hang on their refrigerators; but two or three days a week on average, the joke is actually that little kids are very annoying. Maybe old people cut these out too, but then casually cover them up with mediocre report cards or whatever when the grandkids come over.

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Bizarro, 6/20/24

Happy Solstice, everyone! Do you think these ladies are supposed to represent the changing seasons, or that they’re just hanging out at a Neo-Pagan-themed bar? I don’t think the personified seasons would have cell phones, but if I were running a Neo-Pagan-themed bar, I’d make people keep their cell phones out of sight, because it very clearly ruins the vibe.

Dick Tracy, 6/20/24

Well well well, looks like everyone’s getting in on the Looking At Spicy Pictures In Manila Folders Action. Now, I think an important thing about art is that it can sometimes make you uncomfortable, which is how I know that the lady in panel two, her eyes bugging out and her lower lip pinned dramatically by her teeth, represents true art indeed.

Pluggers, 6/20/24

Pluggers! They’re in pain all the time! Are they dying? No, but they sure wish they were!