Archive: Pluggers

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/9/19

Oh, say, remember Darrin’s wife Jessica, who was going to make a documentary about her father, John Darling? If you don’t remember, the story goes something like this: Jessica’s father John Darling was a newscaster who was murdered when Jessica was a little girl, and Les wrote about the murder in his first book, which was a critical and financial failure. But Jessica decided she wanted to make a documentary about him, in the course of which she discovered he was a huge asshole, though not, as his murderer briefly implied, a philanderer. Anyhoo, I can’t find anything in my archives about this plot thread since 2014, so I’m not really sure what ever came of it — I have to assume that if it were released and flopped, we would’ve heard about that, because of all the suffering it would’ve caused for everyone involved. Maybe Jessica got emotional closure and then decided not to inflict the film footage on the rest of the world, which, good for her, honestly! But I guess she’s doing … some other kind of documentary film work with a lady who knows she loves murders? Here we go again, with the murder documentaries!

Pluggers, 4/9/18

Good news, everyone! Pluggers don’t fuck. I guess we all “got lucky” today when we learned that, ha ha!

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Mary Worth, 4/8/18

Hey, do you guys remember the story from a couple years back about the woman who got catfished by an older guy who used a picture of a Turkish model to woo her, and then when she figured out the deception she actually wrote to the Turkish model, and then they met in person and now they’re in love? That article is from 2017, so if they’ve subsequently broken up, please don’t tell me, as I need to believe true love exists, and I also need to believe that Estelle will, eventually, get together with South African model Ivan Inghem, or, if he’s not available, reasonably handsome Australian naval officer Ivan Ingham.

Pluggers, 4/8/18

Never mind this plugger’s thoughts on unrealistic physical beauty standards; check out his droopy eyes and crumpled smile! Dude is wasted on those non-lite beers. I’m imagining the caption as being said, extremely slurred, to some hapless female friend of a friend at a cookout that’s about to break up acrimoniously

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The Phantom, 3/19/19

Welp, Kadia and Heloise have been successfully extracted from the U.S., probably in only slight violation of international law, and now we’re set up for a daring new adventure, where the Phantom rescues Kadia’s mother from a heavily armed terrorist compound. And what better way to start than with six to eight weeks covering the girls’ schooling situation? The kids are leaving their elite private New York boarding school behind for an honest public school in Bangalla, but one thing is staying the same, which is that they are not living at home. It’s the most important rule passed down over the ages by generation after generation of Phantoms: no teens living in the house under any circumstances.

Pluggers, 3/19/19

You hear that, liberal elitists? Pluggers are not switching to metric time, no matter what the United Nations says! If a sexagesimal system was good enough for the ancient Babylonians, it’s good enough for us.