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Family Circus, 4/28/07

I wasn’t aware that there was some Papally proscribed prayer posture, with more knees denoting more Christian sincerity. I’m also not sure how Dolly can tell Jeffy’s only doing half an Ave Maria if he’s still in the midst of it — is he only doing every other word or something? If he is treating his faith a little lightly, maybe it’s because he just found out that the Vatican has done away with Limbo and that little children can now make it into heaven without being baptized, so why’s he jumping through a bunch of hoops like a sucker?

By the way, Dolly, not even Jesus likes a tattletale.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/07

For “this city,” read “cocaine.” And for “somewhere,” read “towards my connection.” There are good reasons why Alan moved away from New York, and not just so he could wear a baby blue V-neck sweater over a black mock turtleneck without being snickered at.

Mark Trail, 4/28/07

Wait, are these the county commissioners who were involved somehow in last year’s epically boring road demolition/eminent domain/casino scam snoozefest? I’m sort of curious, but not so curious that I’m going to wade through my archives and relive the dullness to find out. Mainly what I want to say is that, if your county is too cheap to spring for separate offices for each of its commissioners, it probably can’t afford even a single airport, let alone two.

Pluggers, 4/28/07

I’m beginning to figure out one of Pluggers‘ more devious strategies. Since this feature drives any right-thinking person into an insane, hateful rage, it needs to keep broadening the definition of “plugger” so that just about anybody can be seen as one, thus shaming readers into believing that they too are pluggers and staving off anti-plugger pogroms. Today, for instance, we learn that virtually all men and probably a significant number of women are pluggers. God have mercy on our simple, down-home souls.

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Pluggers, 4/23/07

Not much of interest to say about today’s Pluggers, except that “Greg Harruff” is actually faithful Comics Curmudgeon reader gh, who, having seen this feature many times on this blog, realized that the easiest way to get his submission accepted would be to go down the oft-trod “Pluggers are obese” route.

Greg wrote me to say that the Chief Plugger never responded to his submission, which he sent in six weeks ago or so, and that he only found out it had been accepted when he saw it live and in the ink today. Greg also requested that the thanks go to his pseudonym of “GH”, which request was, as you can see, not honored. This, I have to say, is Not Classy. You might think based on the content of TDIET that Al Scaduto is tightly wound ball of hate-filled rage, but in fact he sends a cheery and gentlemanly response to everyone who submits ideas to him, whether he uses them or not; and if he does make a cartoon out of your submission, he’ll send you a copy of it, and he’s happy to credit it to “No Name Please” or “Many Husbands Across the U.S.A.” or (as in today’s) “Fed-Up Wifey” if that’s what you want. I guess pluggers are simple folk who just don’t expect to be treated with an ounce of consideration.

Apartment 3-G, 4/23/07

The Apartment 3-G Lu Ann storyline continues to be deathly dull, and this is about the fourth iteration of essentially this girl-ghost confrontation, but I just had a brainstorm this morning when I read it: what if “Albert Pinkham Ryder” is actually Eric Mills in an elaborate disguise? (Not that it would have to be particularly elaborate to fool Lu Ann.) It would explain his mysterious absences, and we’ve already seen that he has some horribly misguided belief in Lu Ann’s artistic talent; presumably he’s trying to generate more revenue for himself as her impresario by forcing her to churn more mediocre fern paintings out. It’s possibly the most moronic and inefficient use of his time to get rich that I can think of, but he also apparently believes that he can toy with Margo’s affections (among other things) without ending up eviscerated by her razor-sharp claws, so he’s clearly not very bright.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/23/07

Boy, for a while there Rex Morgan was all about plane crashes and rescue squads and corporate intrigue and family drama. Thank God we’ve moved on to something really exciting.

Slylock Fox, 4/23/07

Oh, goody! Let’s have a double date! We’ll nestle on the couch by the fire, drinking hot tea and eating cookies. We can look at Slylock’s collection of antique clocks and car-shaped trophies (he’s so proud of the one he won for FIRST), and we can have ever so much fun challenging each other with brain teasers! Then, after about an hour of that, the orgy will start.

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Pluggers, 4/12/07

In order to avoid projecting an image of snobbery, I’ll pass over the central point of today’s Pluggers to say … oh, God, no, I can’t. FOR PETE’S SAKE I JUST FOUND THREE JEWELRY BOXES ONLINE FOR UNDER TEN DOLLARS IN LESS THAN THIRTY SECONDS OF SEARCHING! EVEN CHEAPER ONES ARE AVAILABLE AT YOUR LOCAL SALVATION ARMY OR YARD SALE! IF YOU CAN AFFORD JEWELRY, YOU CAN AFFORD A REAL JEWELRY BOX! CHRIST!

Ahem. Moving on, if we really needed to depict a plugger making a show of her frugality by using an egg carton as a jewelry box, couldn’t the she-plugger called to duty have been the kangaroo-lady or the dog-lady or a lady of some species that doesn’t, you know, LAY FREAKIN’ EGGS? Because when I first saw this cartoon, I thought the caption was going to be “A plugger makes jewelry from the bones of her children.”

Luann, 4/12/07

I’m an only child, which, for the record, is awesome, as I never had to learn how to “share” or any of that crap. However, it means that I don’t really have an instinctual feel for how brother-sister relationships work. But I’m pretty sure that no brother has ever boasted to his sister about the sexual playground that is his enormous king-sized bed. Plus, I’m pretty sure that nobody ever has boasted to anyone about their “super quilted pillowtop”, whatever the hell that is. Dude, if you’re going to boast about your bed’s comfort features, trust me: it’s all about the thread count on the sheets. Though that’s really more an “impress them while they’re there” feature than a “get them in there” feature. You shouldn’t be bragging about it. Especially not to your sister. Ew.