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Dennis the Menace, 6/7/06

Yeah, your grandpa pretty much sounds like a loser, kid. I’m all for good sportsmanship and everything, but if you go around telling your friends stuff like this, I think you are pretty much permanently banned from referring to yourself as a “menace”.

9 Chickweed Lane and Pluggers, 6/7/06

If you had asked me this morning which two features would be using the same joke today, this is not a pairing I would have come up with.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/7/06

Rex looks increasingly agitated as this strip progresses. “God damn them and their medical mumbo-jumbo! Impersonating a doctor is turning out to be a lot harder than I thought. OK, what am I going to do if one of them asks me a question? There’s got to be a way to change the subject of this conversation to ice cream.”

Gil Thorp, 6/7/06

What’s wrong with him? How much time do you have, exactly, Coach?

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For Better Or For Worse, 5/25/06

Now, I’m not one to wish ill on a sweet, innocent young girl, even if said girl is a cartoon character … oh, who am I kidding. Seriously, something pretty bad better have happened to Liz since we last saw her moping, because if she thinks having an important job in an exciting place far away from the stifling omnipresence of her family, as well as two hot guys competing for her affection, constitutes her life falling apart, then I for one will … um … think less of her.

Meanwhile, I’ll bet that Finger Quotin’ Margo has something to say about your use of quotes in your e-mail, April!

Ha, ha, that crazy finger-quotin’ dame! Could you ever get tired of her?

Seriously, I’d like to know. I’d use her every day if I didn’t think it would get boring after a while. I love her that much.

The Phantom, 5/25/06

Meanwhile, in the Phantom, a bunch of guys are getting machine-gunned to death. To which I say: rockin’! But, um, can you actually show people being gunned down by wave after wave of hot lead in the funnies? Those of you who read Scott Adams’ blog may remember that he was forced by his editors to have a cop shooting a donut instead of a pistol so as to keep gunplay out of the comics pages. To, you know, protect the children. And while it seems unlikely to me that lots of children read the Phantom, it seems even less likely that they read Dilbert, so I’m a bit confused.

Finally, some of you have already noted that the Houston Chronicle’s invaluable comics site is down. This appears to be because the site has gone to stripped-down, low-graphics “high traffic” mode because people around the world want to read about how former Enron execs (and local Houston boys) Skilling and Lay are guilty guilty GUILTY. And really, who can blame them? But it means that we comic lovers have to suffer. First they plunge huge swaths of California into darkness and screw over their own employees so that they could have hot-and-cold running Courvoisier in their walled compounds, and now this? When will their reign of evil finally end? Anyway, thanks to the outage, I haven’t read a good chunk of the comics I usually read daily, so if there are any particular gems I missed, I’ll put up a supplemental post.

Update: Well, of course, it came back up five minutes after I put up this post. Anyway, only one really jumped out at me:

Pluggers, 5/25/06

Normally Pluggers is all about kind-heartedness and good feelings, but … check out the look on Mrs. Plugger there. “I’m going to put your tools in the garbage, you over-cholesteroled lump … after you die. Oh, please, God, why won’t he die?”

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Pluggers, 5/11/06

And if that doesn’t work, we take him to the snake handler who lives in the shack up the road. We don’t need your fancy city-slicker doctors, liberals.

Hey everybody, I’m heading up to NYC for the weekend this evening. New posts return on Monday.