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Family Circus, 8/17/22

The Keanes have been on vacation in New York City for a couple weeks now, in a series of panels that are actually reruns from decades ago; Don McHoull on Twitter pointed out that the Twin Towers were replaced by the modern-day Freedom Tower in last Friday’s episode, which was a surprise to me because I had been assuming that the originals were from before the Twin Towers were built in the first place in 1972. Very little else has been done to modernize the strips; today’s, for instance, reminds us of an era when telling the world that your restaurant was AIR CONDITIONED was a solid way to differentiate yourself from your competition. Sadly, I initially misread the awning sign as AIR CONDITIONERS, and got irrationally angry at Billy (it doesn’t take much) and was about to write a whole screed here on the theme of “You little shit, you think you’re gonna order a HAMBURGER at an APPLIANCE STORE???” His actual transgressions is a bit more normal than that so I’ll leave it be.

Pluggers, 8/17/22

I feel very protective of the idea that pluggerdom represents a specific cultural and socioeconomic position, but here we have yet another canonical Pluggers panel taunting me with the fact that sometimes the whole gimmick is just “all-number calling was rolled out nationwide by the early 1960s, so you’re a plugger if you’re older than about 63.” Why this particular take on the plugger mythos is accompanied by a particularly pissed-off bear in overalls holding up a sign the size of a license plate that doesn’t have enough digits on it to be an actual phone number is not clear to me, but I guess Pluggers knows its business.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/17/22

I am a middle-aged married man without children and so it goes without saying that I am very out of touch with what the kids today are up to, but I am given to understand they will often say they’re “talking” to someone as a euphemism for the early stages of romance, which can run the gamut from flirting in DMs to having actual sex but not yet defining their relationship or committing to monogamy. I guess the son half of this father-son duo, who appears to be 5-10 years older than I am and is therefore one of the younger characters in Rex Morgan, M.D., is at that stage in the process of wooing a nice lady he met at a funeral, but is showing his maturity by referring to it as “chatting.” Anyway, he’s gonna leave his dad alone to go get laid! Hopefully the old guy isn’t gonna drop dead while he’s gone, that would make the whole thing pretty awkward.

Mary Worth, 8/17/22

“Oh, yeah, your dad? Your terrible, terrible dad? I’ve been watching you turn into him for years, honey, but I wasn’t gonna say anything until you came crawling to me begging for help.” Truly Mary must completely break down her victims in order to build them back up in her image.

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The Lockhorns, 8/13/22

The thing about the Lockhorns is that, while in one sense they’re millennials, in another sense they’re trapped in an eternal present in which they never age but their hateful marriage extends indefinitely into infinity, and so they’re always having to upgrade their mutual loathing into ever more baroque forms. It’s no longer enough for Leroy to just look at Loretta’s cooking and say something cutting with dead eyes; now he has to come up with some pretext to drag her to the tent section at REI and say “Look! No kitchen! Wouldn’t it be great to live here? To forage for mushrooms and berries, maybe trap small game, like our primitive ancestors did? Agriculture was a mistake, Loretta, a mistake, because it gave rise to cooking, which led to your cooking in particular. I’d rather get parasites from eating raw rabbit, Loretta! I really would!”

Dick Tracy, 8/13/22

Wow, this Lunarian supremicist faction within the Antarctic Lunarian colony really knows how to put on a show! Remember, having having a guy on stage ranting about seizing power and starting genocidal wars may have worked for Hitler, but in this day and age, people want to feel more connected to their despots. That’s why you want to have plants in the audience asking the questions whose answers reveal the true evil of your plans, making your bloodthirsty diatribe feel more like a bloodthirsty conversation among friends.

Pluggers, 8/13/22

Well, if you’re in Iowa, it’s probably a dizzy spell? Maybe go see a doctor, sir! A doctor can diagnose this better than a syndicated newspaper comic strip that illustrates reader jokes with folksy furries can, trust me on this!

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Plugger, 7/28/22

I’m just a little too young to have fully participated in Tab Culture, not to brag, but … Tab Culture was all about sophisticated women who kept “tabs” on their figures, right? Gotta look good, for the sophisticated fellas you’re trying to attract? That’s sure the vibe I’m getting from this ad! Anyway, far be it for me to play a gatekeeper on Andy Bear’s inner life, but I don’t think that’s what he’s in it for. His relationship with the can he’s holding up with a grin seems to be nothing more than “Hey, it’s Tab! Remember Tab! From before?” And I feel strongly that pluggers are part of a specific cultural and socioeconomic milieu! They’re not just people born before a certain date! Sorry to be a snob about Pluggers of all things, but I know pluggers and pluggers don’t put Tab diet soda at the heart of their identities! They just don’t!!!

Mary Worth, 7/28/22

Aw man, that Mary’s still got it, if by “it” you mean the ability to craft the perfectly passive-aggressive response to the damn fools she has to deal with on a daily basis. “Hmm…” she says to Jared, ever so delicately. “And that’s something you’ve already done? Without consulting me, or perhaps someone else who could’ve advised you not to? Did you talk to your cat about it perhaps, and pretend your cat could understand you and give helpful feedback, but then you pretended your cat’s feedback just reaffirmed your desire to do this? Interesting. Interesting.”