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Mary Worth, 9/26/22

A lot of you seemed to think that Mary and Jeff’s dinner date was just a little palate cleanser before we moved on to the next, actual storyline. A lot of you apparently thought wrong! This strip will be delivering Mary Worth in: Ambulatory digestion until you beg for Wilbur seeming to be dead but then not actually being dead or whatever.

Judge Parker, 9/26/22

I dunno, Steve, Sam’s fallen on some hard times since Abbey kicked him off of her vast landholdings, and I hear the meth gangs play pretty well. He already has extensive contacts in the illicit drug trade, so maybe this isn’t the best of all possible plans?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/22

I guess the joke here is supposed to be “Ha ha, Li’l Sparky is an influencer, like on Instagram and such!”, but that assumes the target readership of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is familiar with that meaning of the word “follower,” and that is not a bet I personally would’ve made.

Dennis the Menace, 9/26/22

Oh, snap, looks like Dennis just got reaaaall menacing towards the property tax exemption for religious organizations!

Pluggers, 9/26/22

CLOCK’S TICKING, PLUGGERS

CLOCK’S

TICKING

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The Lockhorns, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because the Lockhorns are about to default on their mortgage, leaving them homeless and destitute!

Dennis the Menace, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dennis is about to piss himself, right there on the field where everyone can see!

Pardon My Planet, 9/23/22

Ha ha, it’s funny because this brain in a jar wants to be more fuckable! Wait, did I say funny? I meant sad. Very, very sad.

Pluggers, 9/23/22

Pluggers? Caring about the long term of their home, or their planet? No way! They’ll be dead soon, so who cares!

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Hagar the Horrible, 9/14/22

Feels like someone over at Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is trying to feed into my “when exactly in history does Hagar the Horrible take place” — and it’s working! So, some fun facts: England really did have a King Edgar, and he really did come to the throne as a scruffy teen. He became king in 959, though he succeeded his brother, not his father, who had died years earlier, and his coronation ceremony was devised by Saint Dunstan (a bishop, not an orangutang) and (topical!) is the basis for the ceremony still used by British monarchs to this day. His Wikipedia article claims that “Scandinavia was ‘largely quiescent’ during this period and Viking activity directed towards England was much reduced,” but we all know that records from this era are spotty, because it’s clear that he got his palace utterly plundered by Hagar fairly early in his reign.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/22

Sorry, it turns out we couldn’t squeeze much drama out of “Buck is in charge of an old person,” so instead we’ve got … these two! A boring teen and her single mom, whose latest romance fizzled in an extremely uninteresting way! Um. Tune in tomorrow when … hopefully Sarah has another head injury?

Pluggers, 9/14/22

Do … do pluggers think you’re supposed to type on your phone with your thumbs? And that having more thumbs would therefore be helpful? Because that would explain a lot (about why they’re bad at typing on their phones).