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Mary Worth, 4/26/23

OK, look, I was willing to accept it when we only got a day of Wilbur singing karaoke while sobbing openly, but now we find out that a cat tried to blind Dr. Ed and now he’s wearing an eye patch and we didn’t get to see that at all? Unacceptable! Still, I see two potentially funny ways forward: either Ed’s briefly rekindled love affair with the veterinary profession has now been snuffed out for good, and he’s brooding one-eyedly and thinking about burning the building down for the insurance and starting over again in a new town as a simple bricklayer, or the whole incident was relayed to Estelle over the phone as he explained that he needed to “take some time off” from their relationship to sit in a dark room and heal (i.e., spend more time with his wife and children so they don’t get suspicious).

Judge Parker, 4/26/23

This is part of a larger storyline about April finally getting released from her illegal CIA prison for implausible reasons, but right now let’s just acknowledge that it’s very funny to cruelly mutter “Yeah, let’s end this” as you get yet another spam call.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 4/26/23

I’m not afraid to admit that I was genuinely surprised by the punchline in today’s Snuffy Smith: I assumed that Snowball was the seeker, and that he thought he’d have an easy time finding Li’l Sparky because horses are quite large in general, larger than most available hiding spaces, and that Li’l Sparky in particular is wearing a bright yellow blanket to boot. But, no, it turns out that Li’l Sparky is the seeker, and playing Hide and Seek with him is easy because he’s not very smart.

Pluggers, 4/26/23

Sorry, I was going to try to figure out what this joke is supposed to mean, exactly, but then I got stuck on the idea that there’s a carton of milk just off panel to our left and it’s hurling at this plugger at high speed and about to hit him right in the nose, and while I’m reasonably sure that’s not what this joke is supposed to mean, I’m enjoying that image too much to part with it.

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The Lockhorns, 4/24/23

Happy Monday, everyone, and it’s a truly happy Monday indeed when the day’s Lockhorns panel features Leroy openly weeping, or at so least so overwrought with emotion that he’s hiding his face in his hand. Like, this deadpan zinger from Loretta would be funny in any circumstance where he takes his fantasy league a little too seriously, but it’s very funny if he’s actually crying about it. Is he so upset because his emotional life is very empty and he’s way, way overinvested in fantasy baseball, the only fun part of his day? Or has he made some ill-advised side bets and lost a lot of money?

Hi and Lois, 4/24/23

Look, I’m not going out of my way to rain on anybody’s date night fun, but I’ve been reading this strip for years and I’m pretty sure I never knew that Lois’s mother (also Beetle Bailey’s mother, for the record) lived in the same town as the Flagstons, or at least close enough that she could be called upon for last-minute baby-sitting duty, so honestly that means it’s been quite a while since they hung out and maybe they should invite her to dinner.

Pluggers, 4/24/23

ME ON THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 2023: Being a little forgetful about names is a normal thing for a person to experience. I’m not opening myself up to shame or ridicule by talking about it on my blog for everyone to read.

ME ON MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2023: Oh no. Oh NO.

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Gil Thorp, 4/11/23

Oh, gosh, I guess I’ve been failing to keep you informed on Actual Sports Action in Gil Thorp, although obviously you’re fully up to date on Unsettlingly Realistic Mascot Action. Anyway, during the championship game, a collision between two players caused one of them to go into cardiac arrest, just like what happened to the Buffalo Bills’ Damar Hamlin, but unlike those wimps in the NFL, our high school players finished their game and the Mudlarks won the championship to cap off an undefeated season. I’m showing you today’s strip because I know it contains action you do care about (Coach Hernandez whispering erotic threats into Gil’s ear).

Dick Tracy, 4/11/23

Meanwhile, in Dick Tracy, there’s a new criminal with a strong theme on the loose, and you can tell by Dick’s face in the final panel the withering contempt he holds this guy in. “Remember when my rogues gallery consisted of people with horrible scars or mutations, and perpetrating violence was the thing they loved most of all? Well, now I’m going up against a guy who’s into [extremely heavy sigh] classic game show.”

Dennis the Menace, 4/11/23

I guess the joke here is that this birthday party is such a wild ride with Dennis and the other local brats that a normal clown can’t handle it, but that doesn’t really match up with what we’re seeing, which is a bunch of children standing around holding balloons politely. So maybe Mr. Wilson is actually just hoping a violently bucking bull will soon burst through the fence, trampling everybody to death.

Hi and Lois, 4/11/23

I am absolutely in favor of Hi and Lois leaning into a new concept for Hi and Thirsty’s work life: that Mr. Foofram is a weak nebbish that Thirsty and Hi constantly walk all over. “He’s taking me out to lunch — then we’re gonna come back and fuck on your desk, so you might want to clear out.”

Pluggers, 4/11/23

Many years ago I caught some blowback for smugly claiming that pluggers live in filth because they’re gross and lazy. Now that I’m older and wiser, but mostly older, I see the truth: pluggers live in filth simply because most filth is on the floor, and you have to bend over to get to it.

Mary Worth, 4/11/23

I’ve been trying for a while to come up with my own joke about this strip but I’m afraid it’s perfect and requires no elaboration? Enjoy Estelle efficiently finding a solution for this beefy man and his ailing boa constrictor that doesn’t add to Dr. Ed’s workload or emotional load, everybody!