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Mary Worth, 5/15/21

When’s the last time Mary had the mission of actually nipping a relationship in the bud? I don’t know if she ever has! Once, long ago, a lady confessed to Mary she was thinking of pursuing a married old flame and Mary was like “Sure, go for it.” I guess there was the case of Estelle and Arthur Z, but that turned out to be a catfish so I don’t know if it counts. But Dr. Drew is too close to home, literally, in that he’s Mary’s boyfriend’s son who also seems to live with him, and Mary definitely doesn’t want to have to interact with his unpleasant new “friend” when she drops by to deliver an enormous bowl of stew, so it looks like it’s time to cut Ashlee off at the pass! She’s going to work up to the big task ahead by ostracizing whoever’s coffee just got put at the far corner of her tray in panel two there. Sorry for the emotional trauma, dear, but Mary has to get limber!

Family Circus, 5/15/21

Look, Jeffy, the rule of the Keane Kompound is that if you ask whose tiny grave Daddy is digging, the next tiny grave will be for you.

Pluggers, 5/15/21

Physically exhausted? Clinically depressed? Pluggers know you don’t have to choose!

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Gil Thorp, 5/13/21

It’s always fun to learn something new about a medium you’ve written about for years, which is why last weekend I followed with interest this Twitter thread from various comics types about whether a comics character needs to be drawn with their mouth open when speaking. I’ve been checking this out in various strips ever since, and while I generally agree with their consensus that closed-mouth-plus-word-balloon is fine and actually makes faces more expressive in many cases, I cannot recommend a scenario where a character is speaking while their mouth is closed around a slice of pizza and they’re smiling and you can see a couple teeth, somehow. My main point here is that Eating Pizza In A Fucked-Up Way Week is rolling right along here on the funny pages.

Pluggers, 5/13/21

Since this dog-man is the one who’s been made contact with, and since his character design is what we might describe as “pencil-necked,” I think we have to conclude that he himself is not a plugger, or at least not the plugger who’s intended to be the subject of the descriptive caption. Somewhere out there, presumably back at the tee, is the plugger in question, whose thoughtlessness is a menace to us all. A bold assertion from a comic that’s meant to be “celebrating” pluggers, honestly!

Dennis the Menace, 5/13/21

By pointing out his mother’s anachronistic language, Dennis threatens to unravel the entire fabric of his retro reality. He’s so committed to menacing he’s willing to undo his very existence in order to do it properly, and you have to respect it.

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Mary Worth, 4/27/21

Oh man, I honestly don’t know where this is going exactly but I’m very excited about it. I think every soap strip should do a storyline about social media influencers, because I want to find out what all of them think social media influencers are! Anyway, this strip is chock full of things I love, including but not limited to (a) Ashlee responding to Drew asking her if she takes photos by specifying that she takes selfies and then (b) immediately showing him a picture that is obviously not a selfie (side note, I’ve been obsessed with a Buzzfeed article I read last month about the theory that many influencers’ “mirror selfies” are actually just pictures of them taken by someone else while they hold up their phone, but Ashlee isn’t even doing that level of pretense), and (c) Drew says “You certainly have the looks to be one!” only after seeing the picture of her, even though he’s been looking at her IRL all this time. Anyway, I certainly hope that Ashlee initiates a torrid sexual relationship with Dr. Drew in hopes that he’ll post some of her selfies to his high-profile account and in so doing boost her Instagram following, which is probably the saddest reason to sleep with someone that I can possibly imagine.

Judge Parker, 4/27/21

Judge Parker isn’t doing a social media plot, but a storyline where Sam Driver gets punched in the face is almost as good.

Gil Thorp, 4/27/21

After blowing up a perfectly nice dinner, Abel Brito has been presented with a choice: either he drops the subject of libraries, or he works to join the library board and implement his vision of transforming money-losing libraries via a public-private partnership into profitable Amazon Reading Centers™ that are free to enter for all Prime subscribers.

Pluggers, 4/27/21

With all the shit I give Pluggers on this blog, you might be surprised to learn that some days it moves me and spurs me to make a difference in my life. For instance, today’s panel moved me to finally text our plumber to come deal with the toilet handle, after I tried and failed to fix it several weeks ago. Congratulations, Pluggers, on providing this call to action. I thank you, and more importantly, my wife thanks you.