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Family Circus, 10/13/17

Man, I almost resent how blatantly the “Jeffy will someday experience a psychotic break in which his mind will beg his hands to stop the killing, but they won’t listen” joke is being lobbed my way here, but, whatever: this is what Jeffy’s going to say to the cops in 20 years after he strangles a bunch of people, probably.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/13/17

“I didn’t, though! I died! Of cancer! Don’t forget me, damn it! Don’t forget me or I’ll haunt the shit out of you”

Pluggers, 10/13/17

You’re a plugger if your body is already starting to mold itself to fit perfectly into the piece of furniture where you’re going to die.

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Pluggers, 10/7/17

My first thought on reading this was basically “An app? For yard sales? What does this even mean?” I thought it was a variation on “pluggers don’t need GPS” or something like that. But then I did a little research (i.e., 30 seconds of Googling) and guess what? There are tons of yard sale apps out there, which show you all the sales in your area so you don’t have to drive around looking for signs taped to utility poles like a chump. And really, why wouldn’t you use them? What the hell is wrong with pluggers that they don’t? Do they not like being able to easily find the things they’re looking for? What I’m trying to say is, I didn’t go into today’s Pluggers expecting to emerge with my feelings of smug superiority over its downwardly mobile beast-people characters reaffirmed, but I’m not complaining that that’s how it all worked out!

Mary Worth, 10/7/17

“Hey, ma, have you considered Vicodin? Sure, it’ll numb you physically — but what you may not realize is that it’ll numb you emotionally as well!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/6/17

Ugh, so, I guess this is really happening: Rex Morgan, M.D., is going to do a Very Important Storyline about America’s forgotten criminals: people who sell knockoffs of artwork by classic comics artists online. It’s not just nerds who want framed panels of The Flash from 1973 or whatever who are the victims, of course: think of the elderly comics creators trying to squeeze a few last dollars out of their creations, since their original contacts with their publishers left them sorely undercompensated. And think of the anxious nerds who agreed to serve as the middlemen in these online auctions! What about them? Why, did you know that even if these art-forging scumbags are caught, the chances that they’ll be shipped off to Gitmo are slim to none? Thank God Rex Morgan, M.D., is here to raise awareness, just like it raised awareness of MRSA back in ’08, and now there’s no more MRSA.

Pluggers, 10/6/17

Yes, obviously the joke of this strip is “Ha ha, it’s funny because they’ve lived together for so long that they’re finely attuned to even the subtlest expressions of contempt for one another.” But wouldn’t it be funny if it’s just about how Kangaroo Plugger-Lady Who The Colorists Think Is A Rabbit had incredibly powerful hearing, what with those big ears of hers? Like what if she could hear, from three feet away, the vaguely moist scrabbling noise that an eyeball makes when it’s moving in its socket. She could hear so much, if that were the case. She could hear everything.