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Panel from Slylock Fox, 7/12/20

Slylock isn’t panicking because he knows that, due to the square-cube law, you can’t simply make an animal bigger but keep its proportions and functions otherwise the same: its mass increases more quickly than its surface area, and the physics that allow its anatomy to work would simply fail in a much larger version of the creature. This poor monstrosity is no doubt dying in agony right now, its internal organs collapsing under their own weight! (If you’re wondering how Slylock being a human-sized fox fits in with all this, the answer is he’s actually normal fox sized and anything you see to the contrary is just Lord of the Rings-style forced perspective trickery.)

Dustin, 7/12/20

Dustin: come for the pointless intergenerational warfare, stay for an extremely unpleasant new euphemism for genitals!

Hagar the Horrible, 7/12/20

Another victory of the working class over the bosses who would divide them! War is a racket, kids!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/20

The greatest love story every written keeps getting more romantic, everybody

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Daddy Daze, 7/8/20

Not that there’s much competition, but Daddy Daze Daddy’s Goth Pal is far and away my favorite recurring Daddy Daze character. Like, Daddy Daze Daddy (he has a name, but my brain refuses to retain it and honestly I respect that) has been driven into some kind tight-wound gleeful mania by the pressures of single parenthood, but Goth Pal is always looking on the darkest side of life possible, like he is today, when he mournfully announces that those who have chosen to reproduce are carefully nurturing their own destruction. It’s been foretold in prophecy, but like Cronus in Greek myth, we cannot avoid our fate, no matter how hard we try.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/8/20

Hey, remember how Rex was telling the story about how he and June met to Sarah but he was telling it all boring so June seized control of the narrative? Well, now the plot has moved to a place where June wasn’t even there to see it happen but, uh, we’re just moving forward anyway. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m more heavily invested in the layered narrative structure of a syndicated soap opera comic strip plot than anyone involved in the actual production of said comic strip, but I’m still pretty mad about it.

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Mark Trail, 7/3/20

Hey, uh, you may have heard that James Allen is finishing up his time at Mark Trail! When asked by the Daily Cartoonist whether it was his decision or King Features’, he said “A bit of both — I’m tired and they wanted a new direction.” Maybe it was a mutual decision and maybe it was informed Allen’s tendency to get into social media feuds, with, for instance, members of Congress, or random people on Twitter who run Andy Griffith podcasts, who can say, but the real important question is: how will this affect the current movie storyline? Will the new author just drop this promising development abruptly, just like the tale of Franco Wallace, lover and pinhead, faded out too soon when Woody Wilson left Rex Morgan, M.D.? Or will the new writer have to find their own way through the plot, just as the producers of this human trafficking movie are going to have find their own way to profitability now that the IP rights holder has casually agreed to funnel much of its revenue to charitable causes?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/3/20

Wow, I’ll say this about the great love story that’s about to begin here: June absolutely, 100% had to know what she was getting in to.