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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/18

Hey, remember when June’s childhood friend, whom she hadn’t seen since actual childhood, just straight-up gave the Morgans her baby because she was dying and had no living relatives, but then it turned out the baby actually had paternal grandparents and June was afraid they’d try to steal their grandchild away from her but it then they ended up apologizing for even implying they might do that and said just wanted to do normal grandparent stuff? Well, good news: the Morgans are using them for free babysitting services while they party in Vegas! All’s well that end’s well for everybody, except for Johnny’s grandfather, who’s going to die of a heart attack within the week.

Shoe, 8/2/18

There are basically two settings for the extremely common Shoe joke format “bird-man engages other bird-man, apparently a stranger or at best a very casual acquaintance, in banter that’s actually a strained setup for today’s punchline”: Roz restaurant counter, which we see here today, and the weird gross fern bar which, unlike most locations in this strip, appears to be inside a building rather than just furniture sitting in the open air on a tree branch. Anyway, I don’t pretend to understand how the location gets chosen for each gag, but I would suggest that today’s strip, in which Shoe initiates conversation with someone he doesn’t know with tales of his extremely dysfunctional romantic relationship, is more a bar strip than a restaurant strip.

The Lockhorns, 8/2/18

There’s a lot here that you could react extremely negatively to — is it really a “film festival” if you’re binge-watching stuff on some streaming service? would it have killed them to look up and use the name of an actual anime series? what the fuck is going on with Leroy’s skull shape, and shouldn’t we at least get a glimpse of his other giant anime eye from this angle? — but instead I’m going to spend the rest of the week thinking about where Leroy would come down on the perennial dubs vs. subs controversy.

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Mary Worth, 7/30/18

Oh, huh, so it seems that Tommy’s jailhouse conversion was specifically to Roman Catholicism, interesting! You can understand why he finds it an attractive faith, seeing as he seems to have wildly misunderstood the purpose of the sacrament of confession; apparently he thinks that if there’s something you should probably tell somebody in your life, admitting it in the confessional instead is functionally the same thing! I feel bad for this priest, who’s probably had to hear the tales of Tommy’s meth-dealing days, like, five times by now.

Gil Thorp, 7/30/18

Finally, the “spring” baseball plot is over, and now we have just a few short weeks for a wacky summertime storyline! Clearly it’s not enough time to top such classics as “Kaz gets a job as a rock star’s bodyguard” or “Marty Moon gets grifted at golf” or “Gil does a pro wrestling match for charity,” but it seems to involve the local kids getting into the latest extreme sports craze, RainCycling, so I’m excited to see where it goes.

Gasoline Alley, 7/30/18

Like many characters of color working as servants in fiction, Gertie has a sassy personality and not much of an inner life to which we’re privy. Today, though, we learn a little bit of how she passes her time in her off hours: with lots and lots of Wookiee porn.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/18

REX MORGAN, M.D., PRESENTS: TWO-FISTED TALES OF GETTING TO THE AIRPORT ON TIME

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/29/18

Oh, hey, we’ve moved on from the low-key looming-nuptial-derived happiness of one boring Rex Morgan, M.D., ancillary couple to the low-key looming nuptial-derived happiness of another boring Rex Morgan, M.D., ancillary couple! I like how Corey is really playing along here, asking all the questions necessary for exposition, until finally he gets to the last panel and he just can’t take it anymore. “Ugh, I wouldn’t have to go with you, would I? That sounds boring as hell! Just driving around looking at dull-ass shit, hanging out with you two chumps staring lovingly into each other’s eyes. No thanks! I’m just gonna stay here with my video games!”

Spider-Man, 7/29/18

Of course, it’s always an absolute delight to see Peter Parker abruptly and unexpectedly bludgeoned into unconsciousness, but let’s not sleep on Peter’s hilarious and deluded self-talk in the leftmost panel in the bottom row. “Maybe if I can round that corner and escape, roughly six feet away from where they’re chasing after me at full speed, they’ll give up! It’s totally possible they haven’t yet developed object permanence and will literally think that, if they can’t see me, I no longer exist! It’s worth a shot!”