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The Phantom, 1/25/26

Hey, remember the Sunday Phantom storyline that started like eight months ago when a city kid visiting her Wambesi country relatives crossed a mysterious and ominous boundary known to local lore? Well, a lot happened after that, and I can’t remember what happened to that kid exactly, but it turns out there’s a weird Time Travel Zone where a World War II-era German plane just kept circling by over and over again and almost crashing before disappearing until our hero flew up there and rescued the American saboteur onboard and delivered him to a modern world that will no doubt baffle and horrify him, where he’s stuck forever. “Good luck, Major Bauer!” the Ghost Who Encounters Time Travel But Doesn’t Really Understand It said, before retiring to the Chronicle Chamber and writing an entry for his successors that says “Time travel, boy, I dunno.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/25/26

Oh, man, oh man, Rex is going to be wheeled out of eye surgery whining about how he’s been inconvenienced and then find out his kid had to have his appendix out, and he’ll know he’s not allowed to want everyone to feel sorry for him but he’s still going to want everyone to feel sorry for him. He won’t complain but I predict we’re going to see levels of Rex Morgan Pissyface scientists previously believed to be impossible.

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Gil Thorp, 1/24/26

So, Gil thinks that opinions and interests are determined by the qualities of a person’s “blood” — which is not a metaphor for genetic inheritance, because offspring can exhibit blood-carried qualities entirely different from that of their parents. Maybe these qualities change due to infections or injuries? Maybe if you watch enough movies, your blood cell counts shift in meaningful ways? Unclear but worthy of further study (let’s start draining the Thorp family’s blood and putting it into some centrifuges for analysis is what I’m saying).

Mother Goose and Grimm, 1/24/26

I guess when you have a comic strip where the main characters are a goose who seems to have the legal and social position of a person and a dog who seems to have the legal and social position of a pet, but they both talk and seem to be on the same level intellectually, is not a context where you should be asking questions about why those characters are present at specific times and places. I mean, why are they anywhere at all? Why do they exist? Why would a loving God allow any of this? But still: why are Mother Goose and Grimm in a pharaonic tomb, and why has Mother Goose allowed her pet/housemate/adopted son (he does call her “mom,” I always find that off-putting) to start chewing on the mummies? Do you two want to be prosecuted in Egyptian courts under the 1983 Law on the Protection of Antiquities, and its 2020 amendments? Because this is how you get prosecuted in Egyptian courts under the 1983 Law on the Protection of Antiquities, and its 2020 amendments.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/24/26

Oh, sorry, were you thinking Rex’s extremely routine eye surgery wasn’t enough medical action for you? Well, what if, at the same time as he’s undergoing extremely routine eye surgery, one of his kids … was barfing????? Who needs HBO’s The Pitt when you have a thrill ride like this!!!!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/22/26

You really gotta give it up for today’s Rex Morgan, M.D.: it truly offers a master class in absolutely nothing happening. Rex asks if his and June’s current situation could get any less interesting, and June counters that she plans to quietly read books on her tablet, something that would be interesting for her but very boring for anyone who might be watching her in a visual medium like the comics. Rex then proposes an extremely low-stakes bit of tension: will they call his name soon, or will he have to wait around for a while? This is resolved in that very panel, as his name is called almost immediately. A truly wondrous series of soap opera panels. These two did not in fact have sex in the lead-up to all this, just in case you were wondering.

Judge Parker, 1/22/26

You know how Alan’s been drunk and depressed ever since Randy disappeared? Well, apparently he forgot that he had another child whose location he could be very sure of, since she was in prison, and that he could’ve confided in her, or at least told her about her brother’s disappearance. They let you get letters in there, you know! And make occasional phone calls! Whoops! It’s easy to let that sort of thing slip your mind, I guess, when you’re very sad and very drunk.