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Mark Trail, 3/7/17

Normally this owl and this mouse would be involved in some epic predator-prey battle right now, but both are instead sitting absolutely still so they can hear every word of the hilarious conversation about this Water-World Theme Park Disaster that Cherry is indeed talking about.

Shoe, 3/7/17

Casually letting your boss know that you’ve been rummaging through the recycling bins behind your favorite lunch spot is a pretty passive-aggressive way of asking for raise, in my opinion.

Hi and Lois, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because Lois and Irma have learned to regulate their husbands’ mood swings with alcohol!

Marvin, 3/7/17

Ha ha, it’s funny because these babies are cognitively capable of figuring out why they have to smell each other’s shit all day but for some reason can’t figure out how to use a toilet!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/7/17

YUP, JUST A CIRCLE OF WOMEN DYING AND MEN ONLY COOKING FOR THEMSELVES WHEN WOMEN DIE

REAL CYCLE OF LIFE BUSINESS

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/4/17

Ah, it looks like Jordan is finally going to be parting ways with the Avery family, who he’s served well, participating in a little light fraud and caring for a man with dementia despite a lack of medical credentials. Heather is now taking Milton back to Britain to fob him off on the National Health Service, and Jordan, having navigated the complex medical ethics involved, will be staying in America to woo his nurse sweetheart. This conflicts with Heather’s plan to make use of Jordan’s seed, so I assume her line in the final panel means that she’ll be using the power of her family’s wealth and influence to ensure that no company will ever hire Jordan again.

Dennis the Menace, 3/4/17

I gotta say, the classic “little kid is threatening to run away from home into the wide world without protection, subject to who knows what horrors” gag seems a lot more menacing when the kid has a real roller suitcase and not a whimsical hobo bindle.

Beetle Bailey, 3/4/17

Killer thought that by having sex with a nun he could live out a fun, transgressive fantasy, but he clearly got more than he bargained for, emotionally.

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Pluggers, 2/23/17

I’ve been doing this job (if making fun of Pluggers is a job, and I would argue that it is, and an important one at that) for more than a decade, which is enough time to see broad swaths of the culture change. Still, with a comic like Pluggers, which is focused largely on down-home country folks who suspect that maybe things used to be better than they are today, you expect a certain amount of small-c conservatism. You expect stability. You expect that it’ll be more or less the same, in almost a comforting way. You don’t expect it to be about tits, and you don’t expect the joke to basically be a slightly updated version of this classic Playtex ad from 1982. You don’t expect that you’ll spend time staring at a Pluggers panel thinking “Did the artist pick entry this because he was excited to draw a ‘plugger gal’ exemplifying the ‘lift and separate’ catchphrase, or did he run out of usable suggestions and decide, ‘Welp, it’s come to this’”? You don’t expect a lot of things in this life, but if you live long enough, you end up encountering almost all of them.

Mark Trail, 2/23/17

Ahahah, ladies, always whining about how they can’t find a man, but when a perfectly good one with terrible facial scarring and a dumb self-applied nickname that he makes everyone use walks right into them at the airport, somehow they can’t seal the deal, because they talk too much about themselves or whatever! Probably this is feminism’s fault. If you’re serious about getting married and having kids before your biological clock stops ticking, you need to check out my new self-help book, Play Dirty: How To Turn Your Back On Misguided Gender ‘Equality’ And Snag A One-Eyed Man Who Will Pull You Into His Violent Revenge Plot.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/23/17

God damn it, Horrible Hank in Rex Morgan isn’t dead after all. We now return you to thrilling tales of dehydration and old-man naps, already in interminable progress.