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Mark Trail, 7/12/15

“Mark, that old grizzly is in the backyard again!”

“Cherry, did you know that there are only eight species of bears on earth?”

“Well, yes. But that grizzly is acting strange and kind of aggressive. Say, have you seen Rusty?”

“With their conservation status listed as ‘vulnerable,’ sun bears are struggling to survive in the jungles of Southeast Asia.”

“Wait … oh no! Rusty’s outside! Rusty, no! Don’t alarm that old bear!”

“Despite being the smallest of the bear species, they can extend their tongues out nearly 10 inches when trying to reach a meal of bees, termites, ants, beetle larvae, or honey.”

“No, Rusty, oh God! That bear is so hungry!”

“While living in jungles provides plenty of food for sun bears and there is no need to hibernate, tigers and snakes are occasional dangers…”

“My father is running out to help him — dad, it’s not worth it! It’s already too late!”

“However, their biggest threat comes from mankind through habitat loss and commercial uses such as traditional medicines and the pet trade.”

“Oh god, it’s got my father! My poor father! He’s locked his jaws around him! I can’t look! And all you can talk about it … sun bears …” [choking sobs]

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/12/15

Good ol’ Abbey has been a beloved member of the Morgan family for more than a decade but hasn’t gotten a lot of panel time lately. I do appreciate her extremely skeptical expression in panel two here though. “Wait, you want me to fight wild animals for you? Oh, hell no. I weigh, what, fifteen pounds? Twenty, tops?”

Mary Worth, 7/12/15

I was going to make a joke about Adam having won over Terry “so soon,” but I guess it has only been three and a half months, which isn’t really that long in the grand scheme of things. Man, it feels like forever, doesn’t it?

Momma, 7/12/15

Real talk: Momma would have her children killed, mummified, and entombed with her like an Egyptian pharaoh if she could.

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The Phantom, 6/24/15

The Phantom is spending an awful lot of strip time showing us how the Phantom is walking in plain sight out of the building where he did Phantom-y stuff, but you know what? It gave us the opportunity to meet a dog named “Mr. Handsome,” which I am right now proclaiming to be the #1 best name for a dog ever. Here’s to you, Mr. Handsome!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/24/15

“You’ll be one of the best! Now let me gently touch your own … fleshy … head-sphere … you know what, I can say I’m not so hot on your face, dear. Here, let’s see if I can get Rene to fit you with one of our iron masks.”

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Crankshaft, 6/22/15

Happy Monday, everybody! Remember how Crankshaft’s depressed old theater-owning friend hit a pothole and decided to run for mayor? Well apparently that wasn’t depressing enough for the Funkyverse, so here you go: road conditions in Centerville are so bad that that they’re literally paralyzing the populace. The current corrupt administration doesn’t care how many shattered spines serve as a testament to its administrative incompetence, which will make it extra poignant when Ralph inevitably loses.

Rex Morgan, 6/22/15

At last! Mrs. P. is seeing Sarah’s paintings! For the very first time! And … uh … no, wait…

I know this plotline has had a certain “making it up as we’re going along and also forgetting the details of what happened before, or maybe playing an elaborate game of Exquisite Corpse” quality about it, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time the narration box’s information has been immediately contradicted by dialogue. If this were an improv scene — and frankly I have no evidence that it isn’t — I’d be pretty disappointed.

B.C., 6/22/15

A legacy strip like B.C. has of course accumulated characters and running gags over the decades, and Apteryx, who always introduces himself with “I’m Apteryx, a wingless bird with hairy feathers,” has been around for literally as long as I can remember. Not any more, though, as he’s now dead, devoured in an orgy of violence by these hungry predators. RIP Apteryx, we’ll miss you!