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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/2/12

You have to hand it to today’s Rex Morgan. It faced a difficult test — “Can we depict a drunken younger woman, dressed in fairly modest mourning clothes, strangling an old lady, but at the same time remind our readers that younger one has large, shapely breasts?” — and passed with flying colors.

Apartment 3-G, 6/2/12

Desperate to change Nina’s mindset and put a stop to her irrational fear of childbirth, Tommie has come up with a new religion based around worship of Nina’s unborn child, with Tommie as the high priestess.

Judge Parker, 6/2/12

Sam is staring at that signed contract with more affection in his eyes than he’s ever show to his wife, children, or any other human being. I know this is supposed to be a “realistic” strip, but shouldn’t he really have dollar signs floating around his head?

Family Circus, 6/2/12

If the Family Circus suddenly became a body horror comic, with the Keane Kids cracking wise as fingers grew out of their feet and their ears dripped blood and their hair fell out and the back of their heads were covered with eyeballs, would that be more or less disturbing than the jokes they use now? Discuss.

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You guys, I am very disappointed at the paucity of entries for the Hilariously Overwrought Rex and June Facial Expression Lookalike Contest! It’s possible that the Saturday of a holiday weekend isn’t the best possible time to post such a contest, but heck, I can’t control when Rex Morgan puts up its most hilarious panels. Anyway, assuming that you were all too busy grilling to get swept up in Overwrought Facial Expression theater, here’s a quick recap: imitate this panel (Rex and June at minimum, add Iris and Mabel if you want to up the degree of difficulty) and win eternal glory AND one item of your choice from the CafePress store.

While most of you have misplaced priorities and spent the weekend “spending time with your family” or “honoring those who died in America’s wars” instead of dressing up like cartoon characters and making funny faces, we did get a few entries. First up are the husband-and-wife team of faithful readers Nate and Hani. Nate is really pushing the envelope in terms of facial expression safety, and I like it! They also used advanced technology to actually insert themselves into a cartoon world.

Faithful readers Dr. Jeff Corey and Lucy Van Pelt (not their actual names) also used Photoshoppery to add to the verisimilitude of their entry, or at least I hope they did, because otherwise they’ve either crashed someone’s funeral or ruined a funeral service for one of their own loved ones:

Faithful reader Mibbitmaker swapped in characters from his Pop Culture Kids comic, who are imagining being someone else pretending to be someone else … well, it made my head hurt just a little.

And, finally, faithful reader Ricky Lee provides the three-way soap opera crossover I’ve always dreamed of:

So there’s your competition. CAN YOU DO BETTER?

ALSO, TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE: I know that many of you are, like me, fans of Richard Thompson’s strip Cul De Sac. You probably know that Thompson has been stricken by Parkinson’s Disease, though he’s continuing with his great work. A bunch of other artists, including many names you’ll know, have banded together as Team Cul De Sac, have created their own takes on the strip’s characters, and are auctioning them off to raise money for Parkinson’s research. Check ’em out!

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/26/12

Oh my goodness, has anything in the comics ever been as delightful as Rex and June’s facial expressions in panel one of this strip? June at least looks concerned, if comically so; Rex, on the other hand, is heaving what must be the loudest, most dickish sigh of all time. “Can’t we please,” he seems to be asking, “have just one funeral in this town that doesn’t devolve into a trans-generational drunken catfight? Please?”

I love Rex and June’s facial expressions SO MUCH that that I’ve decided to revive an ancient (yes, five years ago is “ancient,” on the Internet) Comics Curmudgeon tradition: a comics panel lookalike contest! You might recall the finger-quotin’ Margo and self-clubbing Tyler lookalike contests; now it’s time for a Hilariously Overwrought Rex and June Facial Expression Lookalike contest! Here, here’s a close-up of the panel:

Take a photo of you and a friend imitating Rex and June here (no need to include Iris and Mabel, but feel free if you think its important for your take on the tableau) and send éem to me at bio@jfruh.com. The top entry will be arbitrarily chosen by me and whatever friends or family members I rope into helping me pick, and wins … eternal glory? Sure, let’s say that. Eternal glory PLUS your choice of one item from the Comics Curmudgeon merch store, which yes, still exists, even though I haven’t updated it in a long time. Go forth and look like that panel, everybody! Points for style, execution, amusing variations, etc.! I am not legally responsible if you sprain your face trying to match Rex and June’s expressions.

Blondie, 5/26/12

How much more out of touch from today’s cultural zeitgeist can these legacy comics gets. Everyone knows today’s younger adults are way too marketing-savvy to be interested in some flashy redesigned cereal box. Instead, they go gaga for retro cereal box design, like the recent throwback Captain Crunch boxes with the original character design by Rocky & Bullwinkle creator Jay Ward and oh my God I want that cereal I want it I WANT IT.

Spider-Man, 5/26/12

“Mammon Theater,” you say? Now the true nature of this storyline is clear. Picture Perfect represents the kind of safe, commercial, money-making Broadway hit that’s brushing aside live theater’s unique ability to challenge the audience and foment social change, instead turning the stage into just another entertainment venue. Hardy Laurel’s attempts to expand theatergoers’ minds with his absurdist, Dada-esque improvisations have been brushed aside in the quest for profits; now he’ll wreak a terrible revenge … for art’s sake.