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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/17/11

Ha ha, it’s not a real Rex Morgan plot until a formerly sympathetic character suddenly proves to be unsympathetic for no good reason! Principal Hallman has angered Summer by insisting that her daughter is a dirty little liar who goes to parties with bad boys (he is 100 percent correct about this), which leads her to bring out the heavy artillery: namely, that she knows he’s totally lying about being an Iraq War vet! Back when he first busted out his phony baloney combat story, Summer looked all sympathetic, because she thought she might want to do him; now that’s off the table, so it’s time for her to humiliate him. “It’s true!” he’ll sob. “I just found this sweet Army hat in the break room at school and started wearing it around, and then people stared asking questions, and, well, things just got out of control! I never meant for it to go this far!”

Dick Tracy, 11/17/11

Holy crap, square-jawed super-Aryan Dick Tracy spending the Festival of Lights with the Catchem clan is the greatest Hanukkah present anyone could possibly give me! I look forward to Sam lighting the menorah with his cigarette as he tells the story of the Maccabean Revolt, after which Dick will vow to hunt down Antiochus Epiphanes and pump him full of lead.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/17/11

“Especially not our pizza! It tastes like cardboard and greasy, greasy tears!”

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/30/11

Wow, never has Rex’s contempt for women been made more explicit. “See, Niki, women have tiny little fish-brains, and all they understand is wealth, status, looks, and power … all qualities I posses, fortunately. But then they want to ‘laugh’ or ‘feel loved’ and want you to ‘not be a surly dick constantly,’ which is bullshit. That’s why we’re out here on the boat, while the ladies are on the shore! Say, any more guys your age at that party you got the text about?”

Dennis the Menace, 10/30/11

In any sane world, the comic where Dennis learns that being nice gets you further in life than being menacing would be the last Dennis the Menace comic ever made.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/23/11

Ha ha, if you aren’t made profoundly uncomfortable by the preternaturally intelligent Morgan-child declaring her intention to make a teen boy her love slave, then you probably are a much better person than I am, and yet here we are! Anyway, I’d like to believe that I’d have an easier time viewing this strip innocently if (a) it weren’t clear that June is focused on keeping Niki’s lovin’ for herself and (b) panel five didn’t make Sarah’s collagen injections so obvious.

Marvin, 10/23/11

Ha ha, well known drug/sex addict Lindsay Lohan has shown up in Marvin, in toddler form! This is actually good, for two reasons: first, Lindsay has not to the best of my knowledge crapped in her pants in public lately, so her appearance here can only elevate this strip’s level of humor; and, more importantly, she has in the past sued people who have come up with thinly veiled baby versions of herself, which means that maybe Marvin will be bankrupted by legal fees.