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Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/2/11

Ack! I haven’t been keeping you up to date on the doings in Rex Morgan, M.D.! Long story short: the evil strip club owners lured Dex to a hotel where they’re holding him captive, and now they’re planning to hire a safecracker to break into the Morgans’ clinic and steal the winning lottery ticket. Dex has the bad fortune of being held in the only hotel in America where the doors to the room can only be locked and unlocked from the outside; fortunately, though, his captors made the mistake of locking him in the only room in the hotel with a window.

Slylock Fox, 5/2/11

Those tiny prey mammals are right to look nervous. Once the predators find them guilty of trumped-up charges based on circumstantial evidence, they’ll be sentenced to immediate death by devouring. All the while, Max Mouse stands guard at the door, the Uncle Tom.

Herb and Jamaal, 5/2/11

The antique that Jamaal is holding panel three is a perfect metaphor for both Herb and Jamaal, since it’s bizarrely shaped and serves no apparent purpose.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/8/11

Rex Morgan plotlines are actually pretty varied, but in many of them there comes a point when the wacky ancillary characters get in over their head and the Morgans have to bail them out. Inevitably, Rex uses this occasion to act like a put-upon dick. Panel three today, with Rex’s best “oh Lord, the humans and their problems, why can’t I just be left alone to read my newspaper in absolute silence” expression yet, should as far as I’m concerned be hanging up in every art museum in the world.

Mary Worth, 4/8/11

“That little girl with bone cancer who needs her pain meds in Room 287? Fuck her! I’m living in the moment.”

Momma, 4/8/11

The title character in Momma is a cruel, passive-aggressive narcissist, whose parenting style is so monstrous that there’s absolutely no question as to why the her children are so dysfunctional. But the strip has one saving grace, which is that it’s always clear that she’s very, very depressed.

Jumble, 4/8/11

Silly math teacher! You have to go to work every day to try and fail to inspire a group of sullen, hateful teenagers with your love of the beauty and wonder of mathematics. No amount of coffee will make your soul whole!

Panel from Apartment 3-G, 4/8/11

“So if you’re drunk, I’m thinking we could have a pretty good time.”

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Mark Trail, 4/4/11

Remember a few years ago when Mark’s friend Dan faked his own death by drowning and Mark, thinking he was witnessing a tragedy, begged his friend to “COME ON, DAN. COME TO THE SURFACE!” I’m reminded of that in today’s strip, as Mark orders this plane into the air. Never mind the fact that this particular drug-running aircraft has taken off from exactly this runaway dozens of times; Mark seems to feel that only he can coax it airborne. I was going to say that Mark apparently believes that he can lift things or people with his mind, but then I realized that Mark, who speaks aloud every thought he’s ever had, doesn’t really understand the distinction between an inner self and an outer world well enough to really grasp the concept of a “mind” in the first place. I actually think that Mark believes he can lift things or people by shouting at them.

Spider-Man, 4/4/11

“Well, gee, I thought I was fighting him just moments ago, but if he and the woman who loves him say that I wasn’t, I must be wrong! I mean, what motivation do they have to lie about it?”

Beetle Bailey, 4/4/11

Sarge needs Beetle active and productive, and if that means getting him back on the meth, then so be it.

Apartment 3-G, 4/4/11

She wasn’t quite subtle enough this morning, but one of these days, Margo’s going to trick Tommie into coming out.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/4/11

Rex Morgan is still very focused on its increasingly uninteresting lottery drama, but that doesn’t mean it can’t liven things up with a mustachioed man cramming an entire hamburger down his throat in one gulp.