Archive: Sally Forth

Post Content

Click the banner to contribute by PayPal, or here for other options.

It’s the 2022 Comics Curmudgeon Summer Fundraiser!

Sherman’s Lagoon, 8/30/22

Sharks mate only rarely and in the murky ocean depths, so Megan is understandably fascinated by Make-Out Island. “But where do the claspers go?” she muses, “What? Oh my God ick, ick, ick, ick, ICK!

Sally Forth, 8/30/22

While Flesh-Ted is busy with his existential terror, Psyche-Ted presents some interesting perspectives on Mind-Body duality. Which entity has agency for, say, body-leaving? Surely not the body itself; that leads only to paradox! So is Psyche-Ted here addressing himself, or instead Consciousness-Ted, an unseen third entity capable of a) falling and b) influencing Psyche-Ted in some unspecified way.

Perhaps we can resolve the issue empirically! Suppose Psyche-Ted lets go, taking with him all Ted’s whimsy, pop-culture trivia, and manchild traits. Will he leave behind a pragmatic, hardworking, down-to-earth adult (i.e., a plugger), or instead a soulless zombie? And who in this family could tell them apart?

Some ride, huh?

Funky Winkerbean, 8/30/22

Oh, here we go again. During her high-school years, Cindy Summers was the Popular Girl; it was her entire identity. She failed to “fit in” exactly once, when all the guys assumed she already had a date and didn’t ask her to the Big Dance, so she had to endure an all-night mope-fest choking down bad pizza with loser Les.

Yet during the Time-Travel Reunion seven years ago, Old Cindy tried to peddle “popularity is just a mask we wear to cover up self-loathing” to Young Cindy, who was clearly not in a self-loathing frame of mind. Now going-on-sixty looking-like-thirty, married to a young movie star and the envy of her peers, Cindy tries to retcon herself as an outcast? Sorry, girl— Les Moore is the Outcast. You’re the Popular Girl. Shoulder the burden and move on.

The Phantom, 8/30/22

“Mozz predicts the death of the Phantom again … and again … and again …” began back in 2017. And by now Diana, Babudan, Guran and the others have got to be questioning the old man’s motivations. I mean, he’s scribbling his “Death of the Phantom” fanfic directly into the Chronicles, the official historical record of Phantomry, in a desperate third attempt to make it happen.

Who’s bankrolling all this? My guess: Mozz is in league with The Cobra, The Nomad, and the criminal elite running Rhodia to return the Phantom dynasty—under son, heir, and 22nd Phantom Kit—to its birthplace on the Indian subcontinent, leaving Bangalla open to their predations.

–Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Between Friends, 8/26/22

Between Friends mixes joke-a-day and soapy arcs about three middle-aged women and should therefore be called Among Friends, but that’s not important right now. Capable but paralyzingly insecure office manager Susan, passed over for promotion by manager Joan in favor of twentysomething incompetent rage-monkey Kyle, accepted an invitation to join former colleague Savreen’s startup, where the salary, benefits, perks, office environment, and culture are all incomparably better than at her old place.

But you caught that “paralyzingly insecure” part, right? Rather than face change, Susan lets herself get lured right back into the same old misery, where her manager will will give her a nominal promotion and add “disloyal” to a profile that already includes “neurotic,” “small-minded,” and “drudge.”

Sally Forth, 8/26/22

I can’t believe it’s taken five years for Jackie to come around to my suggestion that she take up money-laundering. And how you stand behind the counter at a shop like Small Wonders through a 42-phase pandemic without even considering SBA benefits fraud is completely beyond me.

Sure, Jackie, trinkets are getting more expensive—but imagination is still free!

Dick Tracy, 8/26/22

Dick Tracy‘s commitment to continuity is not so much tenuous as it is selective. “Drs. Tim Sail and Zy Ghote crashed the only remaining space coupe into Jupiter”? Nah, there’s a whole fleet of them, now equipped with big-ass Scrooch Guns. “Now that my people have left the Moon, I will serve them no more as Governor but as their Ambassador”? Nah, he appointed himself Governor again yesterday. But adorable little puffs of condensed breath to prove it’s cold there and Dick is a mammal? You bet!

Dennis the Menace, 8/26/22

“C’mon, Gina, you’re a five-year-old girl: show him how it’s done!”

Hi there! I’ll be sitting in through September 9 while Josh and his wife take a glam European adventure-vacation. Reach me at if you experience site problems other than comment-moderation issues (I get automatic updates for those). Enjoy!

–Uncle Lumpy

Post Content

Mary Worth, 6/30/22

Look, I’m not what you’d call particularly “hip” (SAYS THE GUY WHO’S BEEN WRITING A BLOG ABOUT NEWSPAPER COMIC STRIPS FOR 15+ YEARS, ENTIRELY UNNECESSARILY), but there were some things I was onto “before they were cool,” and one of them was straight-up hating Jared. When did it become cool to hate Jared? Not sure, but it doesn’t matter, because I was in before that, as I hated him on sight, with the main reason being that his whole personal brand is that he’s just a klutzy, nerdy, nice guy, but he’s actually emotionally manipulative and also was very clearly interested in Dawn romantically from the very beginning, so leaving anguished voicemails demanding that she “remain” friends with him is frankly pretty rich. Anyway, Dawn is not great but Jared is terrible, so on this occasion I am rooting for a member of the Weston family to “win” this breakup, as much as that goes against all my values.

Shoe, 6/30/22

I admit, I probably go to the “the syndicated newspaper comic strip Shoe’s character are all bird-people, but the jokes they wrote for it make it seem like they forgot about that” well too often, and now I kind of feel like I’m the Boy Who Cried Unrealized Bird-Man Joke saying this, but: a strip about a man who got laid off from a job at the mirror factory with some vaguely mirror-related wordplay isn’t very funny, but a strip about a bird-man who got fired from his job at the mirror factory on his first day because he saw his own reflection and went crazy and attacked it would, I hope we can all agree, have been very funny indeed.

Sally Forth, 6/30/22

God damn I did not have “Ted Forth gets Oedipally cucked and also regular cucked by the same hot old dude” on my list of summer predictions, but you know what? I’m here for it. Here for it.

Hi and Lois, 6/30/22

“I mean, I’m drunk right now. I don’t want to be here at all!”