Post Content

Shoe, 10/26/08

Sunday’s Shoe has discovered the ultimate recipe for hilarity: have a bunch of characters, most of whom you’ve never met before and have no attachment to, sitting around telling tedious jokes about how boring they are. In the gut-busting climax, the Perfesser tells a joke that’s both boring and ancient; ironically, the syndicate seems to have demanded that the awkward phrase “in eminent danger” replace the more obvious and straightforward “dying,” thus making the gag even duller.

By the way, I shaved the initial panels off of the shockingly huge Sunday Shoe graphic, because they were even less interesting than the ones you see here.

Mary Worth, 10/26/08

Speaking as a connoisseur, this is an extremely satisfying Mary Worth, combining as it does fan favorites (random, rambling platitude-laden thought ballooning) and exciting new elements (laughable fantasy skating action). Mary’s “ocean wave” riff is echoed by the oddly shaped clouds out her window; it’s possible that those are actual ocean waves, and her plane is about to plow into the sea and deliver her to her watery grave, but that’s probably asking too much.

Slylock Fox, 10/26/08

I actually agree that Rachel Rabbit’s accusation is ridiculous. It’s obvious that any attempt on Reeky’s part at electrical work more complex than plugging in a hot plate would result in his immediate painful and high-voltage death.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/26/08

Yes, of course he is, dear.

Post Content

Family Circus, 10/24/08

So, the constant mental and emotional abuse of Jeffy has been a long-standing theme of this strip, but it’s becoming increasingly clear that his physical abuse is starting to come to the fore. Attempts to shut him up by doping him up — “Mommy says that if I take all these pills, I won’t feel anything anymore!” — are doomed to failure, as nothing can stop Jeffy’s relentlessly adorable malapropisms. This thing’s only going to get uglier, with either Ma and Pa Keane dragged off to jail, or Jeffy burning the house down, then blaming his vengeance on “Ida Know”.

Mary Worth, 10/24/08

Having been browbeaten by Mary into not visiting his beloved son Drew in Vietnam (where, I might add, Drew is doing the charity work that his father wants to be doing), Dr. Jeff is trying to salvage some pretense of autonomy by blaming his homebody ways on his bad knees, which I’m reasonably sure have never once been mentioned in this strip to this point (though there is a cane floating aimlessly next to him in panel one). Mary then mocks him by claiming that going through airport security is just sooooo irritating; it’s almost as bad as having pretend knee arthritis! The truth is that kindly old lady Mary always breezes through the security lines, with the TSA none the wiser about all the heroin she keeps tucked into the waistband of her support hose.

Apartment 3-G, 10/24/08

Noooo Margo, you’re beginning to feel empathy for another human being! Admittedly, it’s a dead human being, but that’s how it starts. You need to gulp down some of that ink-black soul-destroying devil’s milk, before it’s too late!

Shoe, 10/24/08

This is today’s Shoe. It’s about urinating on things!

Post Content

Family Circus and Hagar the Horrible, 9/27/08

Two legacy strips check in with mind-bending unjokes today. Little Billy, having grown bored with physical violence, threats of physical violence, and crude insults, has decided to use some Philosophy 101 semantics and ontology to harass his sister. “Dolly, when is a thing not a thing? When do names not encode true meaning? Huh? Huh? Do you get it? Do you?” Dolly’s expression of anxiety proves that her big brother’s reign of terror is continuing on unchecked — only this time, she’ll have no bruises to show Mommy, so the torture will continue.

Meanwhile, Hagar is forcing an existential dilemma on his poor dog. “Why do you have to be what you are? Why can’t you be something else?” The idea that a question like “why” can even be applied to the essence of existence is enough to send anyone into paroxysms of depression — I didn’t make me! Why can’t love me as I am! Fortunately, Snert seems to have a great deal more self-assurance than Dolly, and is unfazed.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/27/08

You hear that, doc? You stay away from Niki, if you like that pretty little face of yours! And if there’s one thing we know about Rex, it’s that he likes that pretty little face of his.

Shoe, 9/27/08

I always assume that, when it appears in a newspaper comic strip, “dating” is a euphemism for “fucking,” which assumption really pays off when it comes to making this strip funnier. There’s a joke about hitting balls with clubs to be made here as well, but I leave that as an exercise for the reader.