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Crankshaft, 8/25/22

I love Jeff’s sly little smile in the second panel here. He seems to be saying “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? Can’t live with ’em (because you’ll die in a fire), can’t live without ’em (because they have the keys to the storage unit).”

Shoe, 8/25/22

I love the Perfesser’s bird-lady date’s exhausted facial expression in the second panel. The dialogue here is “Ha ha, the ladies, amiright? They just love to argue for the sake of hearing an argument!” But her face tells a very different story, which is “Please let me die.”

Mary Worth, 8/25/22

“Do I want to what? No, see that’s exactly the opposite of what was supposed to happen with this … uhh [makes static noises with her mouth] uhhh you’re breaking up Jared, I’m going into a tunnel [static noises continue]”

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Shoe, 8/6/22

The original iteration of Shoe was created by Jeff McNelly, a political cartoonist who presumably actually worked in a newsroom, some of the time, and so it makes sense that the characters are supposed to be engaged in journalistic banter on the regular. But at this point I assume everyone on the creative team is many steps removed from the editorial process, and so the closest you get to our bird-heroes doing real journalism is when they ask each other for headline ideas as a way to set up a terrible pun. Even still, usually the proposed stories that are the germ of these pun setups are things that might plausibly run in a newspaper? Until today. Today is the day when one of the last two employees at the last newspaper in this terrible bird-town thinks, “Enh, nobody reads this, what if I just wrote an article about my golf game? Write what you know, that’s what they say, right?”

In other non-realistic journalism news, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a newsroom myself, but I’m reasonably sure that it’s not common to just have ankle-deep piles of loose paper everywhere? But these are birds, I dunno. Maybe it’s for them to shit on.

Blondie, 8/6/22

If you’ve ever wondered if the Bumsteads are still horny for each other and how they “keep it fresh,” today’s strip has your answer: yes, and they go snorkling and ogle each other’s hot bods, underwater. A little weird, but honestly I think we all assumed it would be something much more off-putting involving food, so I’ll allow it.

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Blondie, 8/3/22

I feel like it goes without saying that today’s Blondie is some real sicko shit. Obviously it’s very gross that Blondie made this nightmare in the first place, or that Dagwood said “I look delicious!” or that he says he hopes he looks “half as good to you in real life” as this breakfast abomination, which looks real weird and fucked up, actually, but to me the worst part is that he’s eating it upside down. Like I know it’s turned that way so we, the readers, can get a good look at it, but if you gave someone a pancake decorated to look like a human face and they started eating it from the forehead side, I would absolutely believe they were a serial killer with no further information needed.

Gasoline Alley, 8/3/22

Good news, everybody! That spaceship they built in Gasoline Alley out of garbage actually worked! Why is that “good news,” you’re probably wondering? Well, assuming that the geopolitical situation in the Alleyverse is more or less similar to ours, the boys manning the radar machines over at the Strategic Missile Forces of the Russian Federation are probably pretty on edge when it comes to unexpected rocket launches coming from the continental United States, so with any luck the sprawling Gasoline Alley cast of characters is about to be wiped out in its entirety by a series of nuclear explosions.

Shoe, 8/3/22

This is only tangentially related to the strip here but my usual epithets for the anthropomorphic creatures in Shoe and Pluggers are phrases like “bird-person” or “beast-man” and it occurs to me that “people person” is technically what the opposite of that would be.

Mary Worth, 8/3/22

“Like, if you treat them real shitty, for instance! It turns out that other people can feel emotional and physical pain, just like we can? Real fucked up, isn’t it.”