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Mary Worth, 8/3/16

Mary Worth is determined to show us that the heaven of a Vicodin high is followed swiftly and brutally by the hell of a running-out-of-Vicodin low. While I appreciate the almost Picasso-esque depiction of Tommy with only a single visible eye in panel two, if we’re going to go deeper into this withdrawal sequence I’m sad that we won’t get to see Joe Giella’s take on that baby crawling across the ceiling from Trainspotting.

Shoe, 8/3/16

Haha, yes, vegans are from space, or maybe just travel from place to place in spaceships? This is definitely a stereotype about vegans that is common and well-known! I mean, I’ve never heard it, but you’ve got to believe that someone who can craft realistic-sounding dialogue like “do you have food for vegans?” knows a lot about vegans.

Family Circus, 8/3/16

This guy knows what’s up. He’s the only adult here, he promised all these litte bastards fish, and if he doesn’t deliver they’re gonna turn on him.

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Shoe, 7/26/16

Oh, man, way to stick it to opera, am I right? Or, wait, no, maybe it’s actually sticking it to lowbrows who don’t like opera? Either way, this is a strip that clearly doesn’t care what toes it steps on!

Gil Thorp, 7/26/16

I’ve decided to stop worrying about Gil Thorp’s school year plowing merrily along in the final week of July and just enjoy the spectacle of Barry Bader rejecting all opportunities to Step Away From The Brink Of Monstrous Assholism. Today, we learn who the real culprit was in Boo’s death: no, not Barry’s drunk-driving dad, but physical media. CDs! They’re annoying, and out of date, and also deadly.

Six Chix, 7/26/16

Wait, so who exactly tossed this dead fish into the toilet? And who’s flushing it? And what is that purplish object the fishbowl is sitting on? And what did Uncle Billy, who almost certainly spawned in a tank in a pet store, know of the sea? I have a lot of problems with the world-building in this incredibly depressing cartoon about dead goldfish, is what I’m trying to say.

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Shoe, 7/23/16

The absolute best part of today’s Shoe is how damn happy Shoe’s interlocutor looks here. “Fastest-moving parade I’ve ever seen,” Dexter says. “Because we all had to shit!” He beams. “Basically we ran through that parade route. Because we had to get to the end quickly, because otherwise we would’ve pooped our pants.” He’s overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia for the day. “We had eaten all these prunes, you see. Prunes make you have to go to the bathroom. So all of us in the parade really had to take a dump. That’s why it went so fast!”

Mary Worth, 7/23/16

I’d be pretty happy if we just spent, like, a whole ’nother week on Tommy just lying around in bed enjoying the groovy feelings that Vicodin put into his body. I mean, just look at how happy he is! Don’t you want Tommy to be happy? Look at him gazing lovingly at the pill bottle in panel two as he sweats out the toxins! He doesn’t need to take more pills right now! He’s not a fiend. He just likes to know that they’re there. The bottle is comforting to look at. Ahhhhh! Sweet sweet Vicodin.