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Archive: Six Chix

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Poopy Thursday

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Six Chix, 12/3/20

Today’s Six Chix is a pretty compelling piece of evidence for the proposition that at least one of the Chix is a space alien attempting to use the medium of comic strips to reason out from a few pieces of data what life on earth is like. Clearly this being got word that something called “toilet paper” was relevant a few months ago. Is it still “in the conversation” today? Do humans still need to remove poop from their buttholes, or have they moved past that? This roll of toilet paper, asking for a friend (a space alien attempting to use the medium of comic strips to reason out from a few pieces of data what life on earth is like), would really like to know!

Gil Thorp, 12/3/20

So it turns out that Corina’s conflict-resolution plan for solving Milford’s quarterback controversy was to bring the two feuding players together and have them hash out their problems in an open, honest discussion. Too bad she didn’t do it a week ago, because Gil has his own solution to the problem: benching both of them and throwing in the third-string quarterback to haplessly flail around in some dumb, wacky old-timey formation that almost certainly will lose Milford most of its remaining games but might at least spawn a viral TikTok or something.

Marvin, 12/3/20

Every once in a while I feel kind of bad that one of my recurring themes on this 16-year-old blog that is essentially my life’s defining project is, “Gross, this comic strip about a baby makes jokes about poop constantly,” and I wonder if I lean too far into it, but you know what? Today’s strip is about the title character’s dad’s desire to use a leaf blower to spray dog shit everywhere, including, presumably, all over the side of his house. So I don’t feel bad anymore, or at least not about that!

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Thankful for comically incompetent criminals

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Dick Tracy, 11/26/20

Remember a few days ago, when I suggested this Dick Tracy plot would end with its bumbling villains drowning in a sewer? Well, in fact, one of them fell down a ladder in a sewer and terribly injured himself and was abandoned by his compatriot, who then inexplicably drove their getaway van up onto a sidewalk, causing the (unlocked?) rear doors to pop open and the valuable meteorite inside to plop unceremoniously out onto the street, which I have to admit is much, much funnier.

Six Chix, 11/26/20

American Pie, the teen sex comedy that broke all kinds of taboos by featuring a teen boy fucking a pie, is now more than 20 years old, so it’s no surprise that it’s now getting a gender-swapped reboot, in which it’s now an adult woman who fucks a pie, but also she and the pie enter into a long-term committed relationship, and then she brings the pie home to her family for Thanksgiving, and her family eats the pie, which you have to admit is a lot darker.

The Lockhorns, 11/26/20

Many Americans are pretty sad this year because they’re spending Thanksgiving with just their immediate family or perhaps alone. But if you’re in that position, console yourself in the knowledge that it really is just for this year, whereas Leroy and Loretta have Thanksgiving together alone with the person they hate the most (for Leroy that’s Loretta, and vice versa) every year, in this featureless void, for the rest of eternity.

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PRINCES … princes who ADORE y[single gunshot]

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Hi and Lois, 11/15/20

From the fall of 1992 to the spring of 1993, I was a freshman at Cornell University, and at Cornell — and, I assume, at many other universities, although I can only speak to my experience — Spin Doctors’ debut album, Pocket Full of Kryptonite, was absolutely inescapable, and after a few weeks I definitely wanted to escape it, though I admit that during the brief window before I came to loathe the band I did put “Two Princes” on a mix tape for a young lady I was trying, without success, to woo. Anyway, I had mostly managed to purge the music from my head until someone over at Waker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC decided to slip the phrase “pocket full of Kryptonite” into today’s strip, which made me wonder if the album title was maybe a reference to something else, but nope, it’s just a lyric from the album, so there you go: Spin Doctors content in today’s Hi and Lois. While on this journey of discovery, I did learn that that Spin Doctors’ Wikipedia article has one of my very favorite Wikipedia Things, a bar chart showing the comings and goings of various musicians in the band’s lineup over the years, from which I learned that John Popper, later of Blues Traveler, another band unavoidable in Cornell dorms in the early-to-mid ’90s, was briefly in Spin Doctors, which I found noteworthy enough to mention to my wife. Her responses were “Am I supposed to care about this” and “I cannot think of two bands I care less about,” which, I guess, is ultimately why I have a blog, because I have to tell someone this stuff. Anyway, thanks a lot for making me think about this, Hi and Lois. Thanks a lot.

Six Chix, 11/15/20

Honestly, I’m not even sure what to say about this except that I’m kind of in awe of the series of free associations that brought this … allegory? metaphor? fever dream? … into existence. I assume that after utterly defeating the dinosaurs on the court, the asteroids high fived one another, leapt far up into space, and then plummeted back down to earth, obliterating both their vanquished foes and themselves in an apocalyptic blast.

Panels from Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/15/20

Ha ha, Parson, that so-called “currency” doesn’t do you much good in a community that mostly exists as a pre-monetary economy in which social ties mediate almost all economic exchange, does it?