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Dennis the Menace, 10/4/10

The Mitchells’ pastor ought to be concerned about young Dennis’ decision to turn away from the Christian God and instead offer his worship to Skynet, the superintelligent computer network that will soon destroy us all.

Jumble, 10/4/10

As usual, I’m too dumb to actually solve the Jumble, but I do want to point out that “vomiting” would fit into the solution blanks nicely.

Luann, 10/4/10

After setting this foolproof plan in motion, TJ will head off to his job as a master cat burglar/puppeteer.

Mary Worth, 10/4/10

Let’s hope Jill Black at the hospital has some knife fighting experience, if that oh no nobody’s horning in on MY meddle expression on Mary’s face in panel two foreshadows things to come (and please, please, let it foreshadow things to come).

Slylock Fox, 10/4/10

Shady’s new membership in the Bloods is about to be revoked with extreme prejudice after the other gang members find out he obsessively hoards golden kitty-kat figurines.

Crankshaft, 10/4/10

“Also, we might occasionally be allowed to experience joy!”

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Slylock Fox, 9/12/10

We’ve all wondered exactly how the justice system in Slylock-world works, what with the same criminals being repeatedly captured but then turned loose on the streets to perpetrate annoyingly overcomplex scams again. Today we see the consequences of a society judged by soft-on-crime owls. An injured Slylock meekly offers some sad little animal facts to try to put his assailant away, while the the grinning Brick Bull and his sleazy rat-lawyer know that he’ll be out on the street randomly goring more innocent passersby before you know it.

Judge Parker, 9/12/10

So Neddy has spent most of this week making a last tearful and moderately smoochy goodbye to her first love, Mark. And what has current boyfriend been doing while all this goes on? Why, just putting the finishing touches on his scheme to scam $3 million from the rich and gullible Sam Driver. Hopefully Ned will respect him now, for his initiative!

Apartment 3-G, 9/12/10

Wow, so all this time I’ve been assuming that Lu Ann’s miscolored “rich brown curls” were a result of problems at the syndicate colorists, but the comics artists tend to be more in charge of coloring on Sundays so, uh, yeah. Is “rich brown” a new code-phrase for “red” these days, to combat anti-ginger prejudice? Or is this whole “reality show” just being put on by the inmates of an insane asylum, like the play-within-the-play in Marat/Sade?

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Slylock Fox, 9/6/10

One of the great meta-mysteries of the Slylock Fox strip is: who exactly is Slylock’s employer? Does he work for the mostly dog-staffed police force, or is he a private eye for hire? Today’s strip seems to suggest the latter. The library system, not trusting the generally incompetent law enforcement system, obviously scraped together what it could out of its tightened budget to hire the best detective around to get that computer back. But the cemetery, whose fresh graves Count Weirdly is raiding for body parts that he can sew together and reanimate in a ghastly parody of life? Did they write Sly a check? No? Then screw them. What corpse-monster? I don’t see any corpse-monster. Just hand over the computer, Count, and I forget everything else I saw here.

Apartment 3-G, 9/6/10

Well, it’s yet another Monday, and the chances that this makeover storyline is the secret cover for a change of artist seem to be pretty much nil at this point. Certainly everyone in the audience is looking as appalling as ever. Any makeover show host worth her salt would, as soon as she laid eyes on Martin, stop in mid-sentence and rip that orange suit/yellow tie combo right off his body, then grab him by the scruff of his neck and drag him back stage to fix whatever is going on with his hair.