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Slylock Fox, 10/12/08

This here in a nutshell is why my growing affection for Reeky Rat doesn’t translate into respect for his fellow small-mammal small-time crook, Shady Shrew. When caught in his acts of petty theft, Reeky adopts an air of sneering bravado, spinning alibis so outrageous that he’s almost daring you to throw him in jail. Shady, on the other, just seems pathetic, his attempts at pinning his pointless crimes (stealing tires off a police car?) on others just coming across as increasingly desperate improvisations. In addition, Reeky has an inimitable sense of style, while Shady favors the baggy, shapeless uniform of furtive perverts everywhere.

Funky Winkerbean, 10/12/08

Never has this strip come closer to really acknowledging its transformation from light-hearted high school romp to depressing trudge towards inevitable death. “I miss the days when everything ahead was bright and shining … instead of foggy, and grey, and full of tumors.”

Judge Parker, 10/12/08

You read it here first, everybody: THE DOG DID IT. That creepy little critter stole the rifle and took its revenge on the man who dumped the owner she adores. She’s smiling at you because she knows you’ll never figure it out, Sam.

I’m glad to see that the Phoenix police department has loosened its dress code enough so that black leather pants are OK for homicide detectives to wear on the job.

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Slylock Fox, 9/28/08

Dum de dum de dooo, what do we have here … why, it’s Slylock Fox, engaged in light-hearted math-based banter … with a pig … who’s working at … a … deli counter? Right next to a case that’s features distinctly pork-like offerings? This … this is an abomination! You just know that our cheerful cannibal is interested in the result of this little math puzzler because it can help him figure out how much usable meat he can get out of the hobos and lost children he lures into the supermarket after hours. The lovingly detailed deli slicer sure as hell isn’t helping, either. I wonder if our deli-man-pig maintains that creepy expression, with the frozen smile and huge, unblinking eyes, as he uses the slicer to turn his hapless victims into fine sandwich-ready meat products.

Yet more disturbing is Max’s fascination with the cheese, as he’s surely imagining the lady cow who produced it, who is kept in perverted captivity, complicated machinery hooked up to her nipples.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/28/08

Snuffy Smith more or less traffics in overwrought reaction shots. Usually, as in the second of the throwaway panels, these take the form of laughter so uproarious that it dislodges the tongue, and attempt by their sheer exuberance to make the strip’s lame jokes appear funny to someone. Even in this context, though, Elviney’s look of hat-popping horror in the final panel seems a bit much; to match it, Maw Smif ought to be pulling a blanket made of human skin out of her washbin.

Panels from Dennis the Menace, 9/28/08

Hey, everybody, you know what’s really menacing? Illiteracy! Teach a kid to read, today!

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Slylock Fox, 9/23/08

Holy mother of God, do I even want to know what the hell is going on in this cartoon? It’s possible that our towheaded youngster is proudly showing off some sort of disassembled taxidermy form, but it seems more likely that he’s going to put on his fursuit and ask the doctor to diagnose his other personality, “Fuzzy Wuzzy.” More disturbing yet is how intrigued the elderly medico is by the whole thing.

Dick Tracy, 9/23/08

In Dick Tracy, Dick learns that Diet Smith’s robocop Traze-R comes with a “mobile transporter,” which is apparently fancy inventor talk for “tractor-trailer truck.” Which the robot needs to get from place to place despite the fact it has, you know, wheels. Dick Tracy remains a howling narrative void of madness, is what I’m trying to say.

Dennis the Menace, 9/23/08

I was going to file this under “crazy and/or stupid” rather than “menacing,” but then I caught sight of the look of panic and distress on the piggy bank’s face. I suppose the torment and murder of anthropomorphic objects has a certain air of menace about it.

Mary Worth, 9/23/08

Toby, are you … going on the Internet? With this total stranger lady sitting right next to you? Have you learned nothing? OH MY GOD SHE COULD BE PHISHING YOU RIGHT NOW!