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Shoe, 6/8/20

As I’ve said here before, probably the thing I’ll be remembered for the longest is coining the term nephewism for a fictional scenario where a child lives with an uncle or aunt and their parents are neve mentioned, and while I used it first to identify the relationship between Peter Parker and Aunt May and Uncle Ben, it really applies to the Perfesser and Skyler in Shoe even better, as nobody ever made a series of Shoe movies starring Andrew Garfield as Skyler where they tried and largely failed to get people excited about what happened to his parents. Anyhoo, it seems like nephewism is hereditary in the Shoeniverse, as Roz assumes that the Perfesser is talking about his own uncle, who she probably knows as his own closest relative, and she assumes that he’s helping to care for him in his old age. But he’s not. We’ve never seen this uncle in this strip, and the Perfesser clearly never thinks about him much. He’s not his dad, after all. I think you can tell by his heavy-liddle look of despair that he might be starting to realize that someday Skyler will treat him the same way.

Mark Trail, 6/8/20

Folks, Mark has been really casual about Andy going missing and now we know why: he’s hoping to mine #content from the poor dog’s trauma! Mark can brag all he wants about writing being a “good career for me to provide for my family,” but nothing generates revenue like viral clickbait pet stories, so Andy better Incredible Journey it back to Lost Forest real quick.

Slylock Fox, 6/8/20

Wait, none of Count Weirdly’s fucked up inventions are grounded??? Good lord, it’s a miracle he hasn’t burned his castle down!

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Slylock Fox, 4/27/20

OK, fine, you know what, “throwing ice cubes at a parade” is an extremely low-grade crime, so I can understand why Slylock did not feel like he needed to personally follow up on the tip they got from a busybody rabbit neighbor or whatever, but: the suspect’s still a wolf, you know? A wolf who could eat Max in one very efficient bite, should he, say, catch the poor sidekick rodent attempting to open a refrigerator door that weighs easily 20 to 30 times more than he does. And yeah, I guess he’s a wolf who’s idea of sinister behavior is throwing ice cubes at a parade, but he’s also a wolf with a visible ham in the fridge who lives in a society where pigs are citizens with rights, so he might be more dangerous than you think.

Six Chix, 4/27/20

Look, it’s not secret that newspaper cartooning isn’t as lucrative as it once was. Sure, we’d like to think we have artistic integrity and all that, but if a nice man from the U.S. Poultry & Egg Association called you up one day and explained how some well-intentioned but overzealous laws about chicken living spaces are really hurting America’s family farms, then suggested a joke for a comic and floated a tidy little sum that might be sent your way upon publication, well, would you really argue that much with him? It’s a pretty good joke!

Dennis the Menace, 4/27/20

The US Postal Service — for which Mr. Wilson worked — began home delivery in 1905, so I don’t think this is true, on any level? Unless … is Mr. Wilson immortal, an eternal being kept alive over the centuries by pure grouchiness? It would explain a lot.

Gasoline Alley, 4/27/20

You know what would really help farmers out? Slavery! Child slavery.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/26/20

So you’re one of the last humans on earth, and you’re trying to make the best of your sad, lonely existence in an animal-dominated world, but that doesn’t mean you can neglect your health. There are still dentists, though they cater to animals, mostly, like beavers, with their big cliched teeth. And you’re sitting in the waiting room, and you’re flipping through the magazines, and remember Cat Fancy? It was a funny name, which nobody really understood because “fancy” was actually an archaic use of the word — at one point in its etymological evolution it meant the equivalent of “fandom” — and in 2015, towards the end of human civilization on the planet, it briefly changed its name to Catster before going out of business altogether. You’re thinking about all this and looking at a magazine printed now, in the world run by animals, and it’s called Fancy Cat, and you guess it’s something like Town & Country used to be, a chronicle of the rich and famous and socially well connected, only for … cats? And then you think, why not neglect your health. Why not walk out of the dentist’s office, skip your appointment, grab the magazine, grab the purse that some idiot just left sitting out there, then go home and eat a slice of cake and drink a can of full-sugar soda. Who cares about tooth decay, you know? Nothing matters anymore. Nothing matters.

Hi and Lois, 4/26/20

THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME, TRIXIE