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Funky Winkerbean, 5/13/19

“Yeah, Summer! Remember Summer, my daughter, your stepdaughter, who’s also best friends with your daughter? I get how I threw you by looking at the calendar so you’d think I was talking about summer the season. Also, it’s easy to forget about Summer my daughter because she’s not in the strip much anymore. She only seems to call me late in the semester, probably because she really doesn’t like talking to me, and, honestly, can you blame her?”

Slylock Fox, 5/13/19

Slylock has apparently solved all the Forest Realm’s mysteries, because now he’s putting his patented powers of ratiocination to use on solving puzzles like “who dumped trash on the side of the road?” The mess he and Max are making in the process actually offers a good glimpse into how his legalistic mind operates: for Slylock, once he’s spotted a crime, he must immediately work to find the perpetrator by any means necessary, even if those means actively make the litter problem, and the lives of the citizens whom he’s ostensibly working to protect, demonstrably worse.

Mary Worth, 5/13/19

I honestly really respect that Mary is keeping her eyes on the prize here, and that prize is not Estelle’s tender heart or her future ability to trust others or whatever, but is rather the ten large that she Venmo’d to @artherzero7. Hearts heal on their own, with time, but bank accounts do not, and that’s why we’re gonna get Interpol involved in this damn thing!

Mark Trail, 5/13/19

That is going to leave a mark, Mark: A Mark-shaped mark! Ha ha, get it? Anyway, Mark just shattered his pelvis.

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Family Circus, 3/11/19

Look, I long ago gave up on trying to figure out how exactly the process operates behind the scenes of long-running legacy comic strips, so I’m not sure why we got two Family Circus panels in the last three years with different art but essentially the same joke. Is this just a case of someone unconsciously coming up with the same joke twice and then redrawing a Dolly-praying-before-bed panel, or, perhaps more likely, pulling out a different entry from the presumably fairly sizable collection of Dolly-praying-before-bed panels? Or are the two panels meant to be companion pieces? Back in 2016, Dolly said the pledge because she couldn’t think of any “new” prayers. Today, she couldn’t even remember the Lord’s Prayer, perhaps the most important in the Christian canon, because all the space in her mind dedicated to devotional rituals is now occupied by nationalistic display. Truly, the Keane Kompound is under seige!

Dick Tracy, 3/11/19

The joke here is that Joe Sampson, the detective who came to town last week with lurid tales of gym teach murder, is Dick’s daughter Bonnie’s ex. But if you didn’t know that, you might think that Dick is just furious that Bonnie isn’t hanging on his every word. “Bonnie? How dare you be distracted, a man is talking.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/11/19

Hootin’ Holler is grindingly poor, with an economy revolving around subsistence farming, moonshining, and chicken theft, and it’s an open question as to how the various outsiders who come into town to serve professional roles eke out a living. Parson Tuttle makes it work with relentless and unapologetic grifting, but Doc Pritchart has it easier: his practice is just a front for nonstop Medicaid fraud.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/19

“That would mean someone might want to spend enough time with me to have a sexual relationship some day, and, really: have you gotten a handle on my personality over the past few hours? I don’t think that’s in the cards.”

Slylock Fox, 3/11/19

“Ha ha, it’s a baby! A baby was born on board! Pretty wild, huh? Now everyone calm down and let’s figure out which one of us has to drown. Should it be the baby?”

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Slylock Fox, 2/25/19

Slylock gets called down to the trailer park to mediate disputes between Reeky and Rachel an awful lot, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time Reeky’s version of events has actually been vindicated by Slylock’s keen eye and ratiocination prowess! I guess Rachel just became convinced that law enforcement would always take her side against “those people” (rats) and so she could get her nemesis in trouble for something he didn’t do. Of course, Reeky is going to be dragged down to the station tonight anyway, for the self-confessed crime of littering.

Mark Trail, 2/25/19

Let this be a warning to you, creators! Your “fans” might share your social posts and back you on Patreon, but if you generate so much #content that it overwhelms their ability to consume it all within their lifetime, they’ll feel no compunction about teaming up with a one-eyed man you wronged to kill you with a flamethrower!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/25/19

Ha ha, it’s funny because Snuffy and Loweezy live in an impoverished, isolated community and there definitely aren’t more chairs where that one came from! Hope you like standing, Loweezy!