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Mary Worth, 6/5/16

This is the first depiction of Wilbur in the new Sunday artistic regime, and I frankly think it’s their first misstep. Where are Wilbur’s four lovingly combed over strands of hair, or the thick thatch of fur on the back of his hands? Mary Worth trufans know that the classic “Wilbur look” is as much about the hair he has as it is about the hair he lacks.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 6/5/16

ANSWER: Slylock knows all human laws were voided during the animalpocalypse, as well as most legal protections for H. sapiens. That’s why most of the animals who lived through that time weren’t charged with dozens of counts of murder! Anyway, it doesn’t matter what bipeds might’ve owned this land two hundred years ago: it’s now the property of, oh, let’s say the chipmunks.

Blondie, 6/5/16

Look, Dagwood, someone’s got to tell you just how sad and pathetic your idea of shaking things up is.

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Dennis the Menace, 5/29/16

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because even the most loving relationships degenerate into a living hell of passive-aggressive nagging if given enough time, but what I really want to know is: why is Dennis going on a road trip with the Wilsons? Notice how their journey is taking them from the city to the countryside. Maybe the reason they aren’t using a GPS is because none of the digital mapping services know where The Burying Place is. That’s the sort of lore that only gets passed down by word of mouth.

Panel from Slylock Fox, 5/29/16

Hey, kids! Somewhere, miles off, in a town not depicted in this comic strip, an awesome killer robot is just blowing stuff up nonstop! Probably with lasers and missiles and explosions and stuff! Meanwhile, in this panel, math is happening.

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Slylock Fox, 5/23/16

I’m not sure what’s funnier about this scenario. Is it that the Count has the awe-inspiring capability to build incredibly lifelike androids but only uses them as decoys when he’s on the lam? Is it that Deputy Duck lassoed this machine-man while it presumably stood there whirring and grinning like a moron? Is it how darn happy Deputy Duck looks to have finally achieved something, and everyone else looks very grave, aware that his sense of accomplishment will soon vanish? No, trick question: the actual funniest thing is that Deputy Duck isn’t wearing pants.

Crankshaft, 5/23/16

Good news! Jeff didn’t get a chance to tell his mother he forgives her, which, since she definitely didn’t think she ever did anything wrong, is a scenario that definitely would have involved her mustering her last shred of strength to say something incredibly cutting and cruel that would have left him even more emotionally torn up than when he started! See, sometimes good things do happen in the Funkyverse.

Mary Worth, 5/23/16

“Incidents lead me to believe too many people are lacking in some way! Incidents, Mary! Incidents! Lacking! This is how I talk, all the time! I don’t understand why I have problems making friends!”

Pluggers, 5/23/16

Pluggers are tired. So very, very tired. When will death finally come for pluggers? When will they finally be able to sleep, forever?